Snapdragon

I remember how the thunder used to frighten me – it still makes me jump. 

Sometimes, all that I need in this world is a hug.  When I was with Mark this weekend, I didn’t get to hug him until a few hours into our trip up north, when we stopped for dinner.  There was a throbbing, pulsing urge in me that needed me to stand on my tiptoes and wrap my arms around his shoulder, get as close as possible.

Can you melt into someone?

Austin and I are both going back – to a place we thought we despised, but one we now see the beauty of, the excitement of, the contentment of.  It will be so familiar, like last year at this time.  How strange and sweet!

This silly little brain of mine is so dead lately – dead from lack of use.  I have had challenges, but they are not ones that I care to file into the memory stacks – they are simply momentary, fading away before they have a chance to imprint.  Nothing is hard fought and hard won in this situation.  Zoology is the only class I truly care about – History is interesting, but I am so lost and drowning in all the names and dates that it is slowly losing appeal.  I would rather hear war stories from Vietnam vets than in a lecture, despite the fact that the professor IS a Vietnam vet (it’s just different, somehow…something I think only I understand).  Food Science is utterly devoid of anything I feel necessary to learn or retain and Genetics has not gone in the direction I had hoped for – too biological and not sociological/psychological enough.  But all experiences, good or bad, are footfalls along the path and I will not disregard this journey as idly as one might think.  It is just that these long, strange nights will be placed in a special part of my heart and memory, close enough to be recalled at a moment’s notice but not so close that they run their fingers through my hair and urge me to return. 

I hold you just out of reach so that you cannot entrap me once again.

I am so lucky and so ungrateful at the same time that it simply becomes common – they cancel each other out.  I must quickly dig myself out of this hole so that I may better appreciate my blessings and give back something of this healthy body, sound mind, and loving heart that I have been given.  I need to take better care of this machine, and the ghost that lives inside it.

Even ghosts need to be believed in…