Oh, wow.

It’s been a while, hasn’t it?

My last entry was written more than ten years ago, while actual regular updates are even older. Of course, a whole lot has changed since then. I was reading old entries last night, and it kinda scared me to see how depressed, suicidal and anxious I was all the time. My teenage years (and even early twenties) were a really bad time in my life.

Now I’m 32 years old (turning 33 in a few months) and things are better. In my last entry I talked about the psychological rehabilitation program. I did that for about two years, after which I completed adult education and got my high school diploma (at the age of 25, I believe). I went on to get a master’s degree in sociology and started my job as full time researcher and lecturer at a university college.

I live with my wonderful girlfriend and our two cats, four hamsters and a rat (he had a shit ton of rat friends but he’s the only one left). We’re renting a house in a rather calm village. We have a garden with an apple tree that gives us so many apples in August and September that we actually don’t know what to do with all of them.

My girlfriend and I can’t have children (she’s transgender and the whole freezing the sperm thing didn’t work out for her), but we’re looking into foster care. We actually have our first meeting with the people from foster care about two weeks from now. Very exciting and somewhat scary.

I still struggle with anxiety and depression, sometimes. I was diagnosed with obsessive-compulsive disorder a few years ago. I have an amazing therapist who has helped me tremendously over these past few years. I’m slowly learning how to manage my quirks and get through life without having anxiety attacks every time something scary happens. All in all, I’m quite happy. Depressive or anxious episodes do happen, but they never last more than a few days. About a week ago, I lowered my dose of Lexapro (after talking it through with my psychiatrist, of course), so the past week has been rough for me. It’s better now though.

I remember writing about BDSM and kinky stuff when I was about 16 years old, and those have stuck with me. A few years ago I actually entered the local BDSM scene and I have met so many wonderful people since then. I have a few lovely boys that I enjoy doing scenes with, and they have become a regular and much loved addition to my life. I wouldn’t quite call myself polyamorous (I’ve tried that and failed miserably, haha!), but these boys are very dear to me. My girlfriend isn’t into the whole sex thing because of the hormone replacement therapy, so that is a need that is also getting fulfilled by my sweet boys.

All in all, we’re a pretty happy bunch right here. How’s life going for you guys?