Phoenix.

Never in my life have I felt like such a different person. In some ways. 

I used to think I knew what it felt like to be broken. Turns out I knew what it was like to be denied. Not broken.  To become broken, one must first actually learn how to lose. Consider that lesson checked off.

I had a mantra in 2009, 2010 had to be a better year. Turns out that 2010 will be the standard to which all other bad years will be measured.  Will be measured and will be found lacking.  I lost two of the three pillars of my life.  That’s when I found out that the girl I had been knew nothing of loss or hurt or need.  This new girl does.

Not to say that by being broken, that I’m non-functional.  I’m just less than whole.  For the first time.

But life is good.  Most importantly, through this I’ve learned the value of understanding that you can be broken and still enjoy your life.  You can have a chip in your veneer and still enjoy your finish.  I’m doing that.  The people I lost knew that.  This is what they taught me.  If you are hurt or lost or searching, that’s only a part of who you are.  Your sum is more than just the weakest part of you.  The measure of yourself is how you accept your brokenness and the ways in which you accept and overcome it. 

I have yet to overcome, but I didn’t succumb. 

I will not succumb.

That’s what my Mom left me. Strength and will.