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I’ve had trouble sleeping lately. I’ve been worrying about if I land this new job and how I am trapped in my current job. If I don’t get this new job I will feel like a failure, like I am not good enough.

I hate to say this, but I will anyway because it is my journal. I feel like I am better than the majority of people at my work. Where as some of them may be showing their peak potential, I feel like I am stuck inside of a shell… banging my fists, screaming to get out but the shell won’t crack… It drives me insane. Just listening to some of my co-workers and how they go about trying to resolve an issue, I just want to stand up and say “That question is irrelevent to the problem!!! YOU NEED TO ASK THEM….”

It also doesn’t help that I feel isolated at work. I feel my manager is a rasict bastard. He only hires people of middle east decent. Slowly over time, he has been weeding out others and bringing more of his people into the team. I find it very hard to believe that ONLY people of this culture are applying for this position. Slowly they have been speaking their langauage (punjbi, farsi, i’m not sure…) more and more at work. Of course I can’t understand a word of it so I am left in the dark. I guess I could go to management, but it would be obvious it was me who complained since I am the only one who doesn’t speak the langauge and therefore would be looked down at from my coworkers for being a “rat”. I just find it to be very rude.

Since I stopped drinking, I feel life is starting to come back to me. I am no longer depriving my soul of new experiences. I am working on new things and keeping myself busy with constructive activities. Sure my current job sucks… but really, not much else is bad in my life at the moment. I think I am putting to much pressure on myself and my job. Let’s look at some of the positive things I have going for me right now;

I have a great girlfriend
I am healthy
I am working at becoming a better cook.
I am learning new songs on bass.
I enjoy living alone.
I am trying to improve my current technical abilities (Linux and get more into programming)

So I do have a lot of avenue’s that are contributing positive things in my life. My job is the only one that sucks that positive energy away with redundant, mindless, unsatisfying work.

Music of the Moment:

Today I Feel: