Cottage Weekend

I think I had my toughest weekend in a very very very long time. I was very close to drinking. The situation: One of my good friends invited me to his cottage with a few other people this weekend. I went up Friday morning and left Sunday afternoon.

I get to the cottage, the fridge is stocked with some of my favorite beer. I mean stocked, there was at least 50 beers in there ice cold. My bud and the two others were already drinking. The sun was shining we were sitting out on the dock by the water… my mind was going insane. INSANE. I thought, it won’t hurt to have a couple… just this weekend. I continued to stare off into the water, while the others chatted. I was struggling, I continued to play mind games with myself and the AV. Then I thought, look…you know you have a problem, if you didn’t this wouldn’t be such a huge issue to you. You would be offered a drink you would take it and that would be it… instead I am arguing with myself on if having a beer would be a good idea. It is obvious it wouldn’t be a good decision. I went a couple hours with no problems because I kept myself busy by swimming and such. After dinner, my bud was making Pina Colada’s… I had my mind made up that I would have one. I don’t even like rum… so it wouldn’t be a problem if I would have one right?! When the moment came that I was offered one, I said “no thanks, not right now…” and that was that. My bud said, “you not drinking tonight?” I said “Nah….” and he was cool with that. The next evening we had a fire and one guy asked me to have a rum and coke and I said “I’m good thanks.” He then said “Don’t you drink anymore? I haven’t seen you have one since you got here.” I said, “No… i’m going on 14 months without.” He said “why?” I just said “I was having stomach pains when drinking… and now I just feel better without it.” My bud said “I can respect that.” The other dude, he said, “So you’re NEVER going to drink again?” I said “I don’t know about never, I just know not today. I mean, what’s the difference between what you are doing and me?” He laughed and said “Well I can tell you what I’m feeling and your not…” I just sat there. After that point I had no temptation to drink. I went to bed at around 2:30am, the rest stayed up a little later.

I woke up at 9:30am. It was a BEAUTIFUL day, the best of the weekend. Not a cloud in the sky, no wind, about +24c. Perfect. I got up and read my book on the deck of the cottage. I then had breakfast and went down to the dock and had a morning swim. I then sat on the dock just enjoying the day and feeling awesome. If I had been drinking I would have still been sleeping like the rest of them missing this amazing day. They all got up after 12, one of them not until almost 2pm. By that point I had been swimming multiple times and already barbecued lunch. They all felt rough. It just reminded me why I didn’t miss drinking. I was there for everything that happened the night before…. minus the hangover. I woke up earlier and felt fine. One girl was sick to her stomach and wasn’t able to eat in the morning… boy I sure do miss that. lol.

It was a large victory for me this weekend, but it was a tough one. Whatever doesn’t break me only makes me stronger.

Music of the Moment:

Today I Feel: