From the gloom came a light

Tonight is my last night working nights.  I’m so glad that I will follow a normal life again.  I spent almost a year 1/2 in the dark.  And lets see what has happened since then?  I lost a girlfriend because I got drunk one night, she won’t even acknowledge my existance anymore, but then again why would I want anything to do with a person like that?

Krystal called me last night for the first time since our fallout about 2 months back.  She only really wanted my sister’s phone number because they are proabably moving in togeather in September.  I tried to get a conversation going and she let me go.  Big surprise.  I fuckin’ hate girls.  I’m so frustrated with them.  I don’t even know why I bother anymore.  I felt instantly depressed after getting off the phone with Krystal, I am not sure why.  Kim’s reasoning was because she hurt me… which she has multiple times.  The problem with Krystal is she does care about me, it’s just that she cares more about her own feelings than anybody else.

I have also been very lonely lately.  I haven’t had much “face time” with people…. well other than Kim, but she is caught up in other things.  Deep down I feel her and I will never work.  Not because it can’t work, but because she doesn’t want it.  that’s my problem, I fall for girls who don’t want me… and I get hurt for it constantly.

Vanessa’s wedding was nice.  It is hard for me to believe one of my first girlfriend’s is now married.  And here I am depressed and single… there has got to be something wrong with me.  Girls are always breaking up with me.  I have only ever broken up with one person before.  I have no faith in females at the moment, they all seem to be two timing bitches.  You treat them well, care for them, will do anything for them and how do they thank  you?  They rip your heart out and then rub it in your face that they are dating somebody else like 3 days later.  Gee, thanks.

It is my birthday in 10 days.  I don’t know why I always get depressed around my birthday.  It may be because that is the time when I realize that very little people actually care about me.

Let’s see who do I think will remember my birthday and call me;

My mom
My dad
Pauline
Carissa (maybe, she forgot last year)
Kim
Luke

I think that is about it….

I’m frustrated and don’t feel like writing/talking. I just want to be alone.

Music of the Moment:  Donald Glaude – Live @ USC
Today I Feel: Like shit.