Sick

I have been fighting off a cold the last few days, I still feel pretty blah, but I feel I am getting over it.

I have been applying to jobs lately… I need something, time is running out for me.  Hopefully I can land something… I just need that interview and I know I can prove my worth.  I hate this process of finding a job.  Why can’t employers just “draft” somebody right after they graduate, they must know their stuff if they graduated from the program right?  I don’t care where I work, I just want to work somewhere in my field of training.  Then after a few years of experience move onto a company that intrests me.

So as for girls, haven’t talked to that girl Kat since last Saturday, only due to her friend not wanting to give me her contact.   You know, I fucking hate that… when people say “I don’t know if I feel comfortable giving you that persons contact information.”  Like who are they to decide?  Kat told me to contact her and said I could get my contact off of her friend… but her friend doesn’t want to give it to me.  The same thing happened to me a few weeks ago when I tried to contact a bud to watch a soccer match.  I asked a coworker for his phone number, and she said she didn’t feel comfortable giving it out to me?  Talk about retarded…

Anyway, so still seeing Nicole…. but the more I do, the more I don’t.  She is quite good looking, but her personality is just not what I am looking for… she is boring.  So in the end it just isn’t worth it… especially when when were fooling around and she cuts me off from progressing anywhere.  I am getting frustrated.

Been seeing Natalie a bit too.  She is number one on my list.  I like her personality alot… she is a really cool girl… very wholesome and pure.  Yet I am not attracted to her very much.  I mean… I am…. but I’m not if that makes sense.  She is taller than me, and I really dig small girls with a “cute” vibe going on.  Natalie isn’t cute… she is HOT.  I guess what I’m saying is she isn’t really my type… but I want her to be.  I just feel I don’t really want her physically that much… ok, maybe I do… but it isn’t there how I feel it should be there?  Ya know?  Ok… I am being confusing.  Also since I work with Natalie, word is already spreading like wildfire about us… people are always asking me what’s going on… I just respond with “I don’t know what your talking about….”  just cause I have been there with Krystal, and it can be rather frustrating having everybody know about your personal life and always itching to get details.

Speaking of Krystal her and I hung out the other day… for some reason I wasn’t attracted to her as much as I usually am.  I think it is because she was dressed like a bum… she was in a “lazy” mood as she said.  But the more girls I date, the more I see how GREAT Krystal and I were togeather, I think she is starting to see that now.  Cause she was dating this Andrew guy last time I saw her and I asked her about him… and in short she said “it isn’t working out…” just like all the guys she has dated since me.  Oh well…  I’m just playing the field right now.

Don’t get me wrong, I am not whoring myself off… I haven’t slept with anybody since Krystal.  I just haven’t felt enough for anybody to want to give myself to them.  Even though I am dying here… been just over a  year since Krystal and I last had sex.  This is the longest drought I have gone through since I was 19.  Which was still only about 8 months.

Not much else happening round these parts.

Music of the Moment:  Matthew Good Band – Beautiful Midnight
Today I Feel:  Sick