X-Files
Hey people,
I feel quite good today, the sun is shining and I just feel… I don’t know, very mellow. Very quiet, but content with how I am feeling. You know when you see “psycho’s” in movies who talk with that weird calmness. That is how I feel… or well not psycho… but very calm in that sort of way. People not talking to me is not bothering me how it usually does. I usually get down when people don’t call me or talk to me. But for the last couple days I just haven’t felt the need to talk to anybody. I have locked myself in the house, not literally.
On Saturday night was Ultra Spin 6 down at the guvernment. It was the first party I have been to in a long time. I had a good time, but not an excellent time. While I was there all I could think of was how much I wish I had Krystal with me. How I know we would have had a blast. Then I thought, I wonder if she was there with Andrew like she said she was going to be. I felt as if I could sense that she wasn’t. I have yet to talk to her to confirm this. Even if she was there, I am glad I didn’t run into her, I wouldn’t want to see her with him. It would have upsetted me. Dave Ralph was the dj set of the night. He threw down some great breakbeats and house. Infected Mushroom was good as usual. The Scumfrog was playing some good tunes too, but the cracked out people were bothering me so I couldn’t enjoy myself how I wanted to…I think that was my last party. I enjoyed myself, but a lot of things about the party bothered me. Or well, mostly the people who were there. It seemed everybody was on drugs. I guess I am just getting older, but that stuff isn’t my thing anymore. I love the music, but I can’t stand dancing and then looking up to see people in sunglasses in the complete dark and/or stareing off into the distance.
I got home at 9am on Sunday and slept all day until about 4pm. I got up and watched the second Harry Potter movie and then watched the 7 episodes of the X-files. Luke came home from China on Saturday night and brought me back the entire X-Files series on DVD. I got Seasons 1 – 9 for $60!! A single season at the mall here, is $100. So I saved a good chunk of money. It looks as if I will be busy for awhile. I am currently on DVD 5 of 63. Such a great show.
Lately I have been thinking, I want a girl so badly, yet I don’t want to be in a relationship. I don’t feel I can give my all to it, so I don’t want to put myself into a position where I can’t fully give myself to somebody if that makes sense. I miss Krystal, I miss what we had….and what we still do have to an extent. :S She is the only one I would want to be in a relationship with at this time. All other girls although hot… just haven’t appealed to me in the way she does. This can’t be healthy.
Also in the last 3 months or so I have had the weirdest feelings. I haven’t told a soul about this, but I feel it needs to be “spoken”. I have had this desire to have children. Before this point, I couldn’t even comprehend (?) having a kid. I was almost repulsed at the thought of having a kid. But now, I want one… I don’t know why… I just do. And I know who I would want to be the mother. When I walk around at work, before I would get irrotated at kids and their “stupidity”, now I look at it like a profound innocence and curiousity to the world and it makes me smile. What is happening?
Music of the Moment: The X-files theme
Today I Feel: So Mellow and calm it is eiry.