Tired but pushing forward

I’m tired of fighting. I’m tired of eyes that feel heavy with tears. I’m just tired. I need a rest in the forest. It just seems like these days the rest isn’t long enough. I’m about to enter the long stretch. Working two jobs just to pay the rent. Somedays I worry if leaving behind everything was a mistake. If trying to make it as a writer is worth it. If I’m worth it. My own voice, thankfully, is still louder than the doubt. So I solider forward, I put on my brave face. Wear it as if it was my war paint. Hoping no one sees through to the tear stained cheeks behind it. That this weary world travel soul is feeling battered against the shore.

I need to recharge but I’m not quite sure how to do that anymore. How to keep myself afloat in an ocean of doubt? Do others feel this? Is this the calm before the breakthrough? Alas I have to keep pushing forward because there is no looking back now. We are fully bought into this new life and can only give the doubt it’s 15 minutes of fame before we build ourselves up with over confidence. Because if I’m not pushing forward then what am I?

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August 25, 2019

I have a friend who writes. So I’ve heard a little about how difficult it is. She still doesn’t do it full time. I’ve seen her frustrated, but I’ve also seen when she writes something and it gets a following and people enjoy it. So you gotta stick with it. You just have to find a way to do something for yourself. It doesn’t matter what. Go for a walk, go see a movie, go for a drive. Just something that is for you, something you enjoy. It’ll help. For me, when I feel that way, I head to the mountains, because that’s where my stress melts away, it seems like.