walk the line

Well I spent the night with Hunter last night, and I mean spent the night.  We messed around but nothing actually happened.  And what did happen…well, that leads to a long and drawn out story which I will try to interpret as best I can.

Hunter is a Christian, and I mean one of those hardcore, saving himself for marriage Christians.  Which I think is both admirable and adorable.  It makes me think more of him as a person really.  But that’s beside the point.  But he and I messed around last night and this morning we had a very long talk.  He feels bad about what happened because he’s trying to get back on the path to God and he feels like messing around just will hurt us both.  And this whole thing started with him asking "So what are we?" which I had just been working up the nerve to ask myself.  (Still no answer to that btw.)  And to sum up we decided that we would try to move forward without the fooling around part.

I am not a hardcore Christian and most people who know me know that much about me.  I’ve had a hard life and it’s made me lose a lot of faith, both in organized religion and in humanity as a whole.  I’ve seen things and had things happen to me that no one should have to endure.  But that’s life, crap happens.  But while Hunter dislikes that I am not fully a Christian, at least in my heart, he is ok with it.  He would prefer that I found and accepted Christ but he wants me to do it for my own sake and not because he wants me to.

It was a very odd and disjointed conversation but I feel more…at peace somehow for having had it.  We both are not the ‘dating’ type; we don’t date just to date.  We date because we want love and acceptance.

He thought it would bother me that he is not going to have sex until he is married (or else getting married).  I don’t know just yet what is to come and I’m ok with that.  I’ve learned to embrace the unknown a little better.  Each day it gets easier to cope with life’s unexpected changes. 

Like the fact that I never thought I’d be at all interested in a virgin but I’m quite ok with it at the moment.

~*~*~Blessed Be~*~*~