I keep packing the baby clothes away as the little one grows out of them.

Sometimes being on maternity leave has felt like I am floating outside of time, no longer tied down to any sort of working day routine. But often it feels more like someone has hit the fast forward button and I am attached to a new express timeline hurtling forward to a future where I have limited time left. It’s like the baby is growing at an almost comically accelerated pace, and now I am in his slipstream I am also ageing in some accelerated way.  Everyone I loved is now rocketing toward death in this same accelerated fashion, where previously they were just moseying along.

I suppose this may stem from the fact that baby’s Grandfather passed away when Bub was two weeks old, before they could meet. It was one hell of a time because Bub had been so sick in the NICU. There’s not a lot I can really say about that time, it was very dark.

One of the reasons we need to move back home is so we can be near Little One’s remaining grandparents. The older generation are all looking so much frailer recently. I know this has been happening progressively, but somehow the progression seems accelerated.

One thing about becoming a mother is suddenly baby starts appearing in your dreams. Recently I dreamt he was clinging to my back like a little Koala as I tried to run to catch a plane in the airport. My legs just wouldn’t move fast enough, but inside I had such a feeling of urgency.

In the mean time we are having a series of glorious blue-sky days where we walk in various parks together and one day runs into the next.

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June 19, 2023

I’m about to have my first baby in about two weeks – due July 2!

I hear you about the grandparents. All my grandparents except for my grandpa on my dad’s side is still alive. And he’s 98 and lives across the country. My boyfriend and I plan to make a trip out to my hometown  next year to visit my family and they can meet the baby when my baby will be 1 years old. I’m just praying my grandpa is still alive by then because I would LOVE for him to meet his great grand-daughter. It’s so important!


June 19, 2023

@ladiwan oh wow congratulations!! Not long to go before you meet your little one!

that’s amazing you have grandparents that are still alive!! All of mine passed a long time ago, I just hope my parents are around long enough that my baby can remember them

June 20, 2023

Yeah, I get that too… one day runs into another, it’s probably due to COVID…