made my night

Last night Bailey asked me "what are you doing for Thanksgiving?"  I told him I didn’t have any particular plans.  He asked me to join him and his family.  Of course I said yes.  I later told him that he had made my night.  I was beginning to think I was going to spend Thanksgiving alone.  Although I had other offers, I wasn’t sure I wanted to join some of the offers.  I’m happy though…Thanksgiving with Bailey!  And…his two little cousins Tony and Everett…who are my favorite!

Friday I am joining Dawn and her family for Thanksgiving too…it should be fun!

Work sucks…I spent 12 hours yesterday building a case against an employee who has shown some VERY naughty behavior.  I then spent another 6 hours today (outside of meetings ETC) working on it.  I still have more to do on Sunday.  This is one of those hard ones…have to have all my ducks in a row and have a solid understanding of what she did…first because it is so unusal (the only one we have ever heard of) and because of the union enviorment.  I believe she will grieve the decision to terminate…which technicly had not been made…but the investigation isn’t looking so good for her.  I had to suspend her yesterday pending the outcome of the investigation.  UGH!

Morgan had her interview today with Pulte Homes.  I really hope she gets the position.  I believe I can live with her much easier if we don’t work together.  I just know all the drama she creates and it is hard to come home and not say stuff to her.  I try to stay out of all the drama, but when she brings me into it behind my back…it is all I can do to stay quiet.  But for the sake of cheap rent (and now no boyfriend to fall back on) I NEED this place!

I talked with Kathi, the recruiter for the assistant managers position that I was applying for.  I know Kathi because she is the recruiter for my work group and I help her with recruiting, info sessions, and interviews quite often.  She was excited that I was putting in my application – she thinks I will be fantastic for the job.  I hope that the hiring manager thinks the same way!  She told me to call her on Monday (the posting closes Friday) and she’ll tell me how many applicants she ended up with.  Hopefully they’ll be setting up interviews soon…I’m hoping next week.  The week after I am out of town and don’t want to miss out!  i’ll just have to wait until Monday to hear what she had to say.  *Fingers crossed* it would be about a $5k raise.  I need it!  The analyst position still hasn’t posted.  That might be for the best, that way I can either get or not get the higher paying job before I have to make a decision about the lesser paying job.  As long as I get one of them I will be happy!

So back to Bailey – I keep getting asked by close friends that *know* the situation how things are.  I came to a revelation last night as I was driving home from work.  I *know* that we are broken up.  I *know* that I’m not going to get an engagement ring anyday.  I *know* that not everything is automaticly I’m doing it with Bailey…for example Christmas.  I can work and take a comp day later or not work and be off.  I don’t mind working if I have nothing to do – but I am not going to work if there is something to do.  My family is all in Maine – so I know that I am not going to see them.  Not keen on crashing another family’s Christmas…it’s really not all that fun.  And I am not sitting home by myself.  Last year (and this year up until Halloween) I thought that I had Bailey…because he is my automatic "I am doing it with bailey" guy.  So now…I don’t have that.  So besides my *knowing* how things are on a futuristic relationship level – my revelation was…nothing has changed between us.  We went a few days between talking to each other in the beginning of the break up.  It was awkward.  I was hurt and didn’t know what to say.  Now though, of course I am still hurt, but nothing has changed.  We talk on the phone and email each other 12-27 times a day.  We go to lunch, dinner, concerts, hand out and watch shows, have sex, hell I have spent 2 nights at his house – which is less than usual…but still I am spending the night there sometimes.  Nothing had really changed.  I *know* that if I meet someone out or get asked out on a date…I can say yes.  I can go and have my lesbian sex if I want to.  I can do all that.  I do want things to go back to the way they were.  I do want him to tell me he loves me and wants to spend the rest of his life with me.  I do want to look forward to sometime soon him popping the question.  I do want to imagine her will have 2 rings..one gummy saver ring and one beautiful princess cut trinity engagement ring.  The gummy saver to make me laugh and the real ring to make me scream YES!!!  I want all of that still.  I just *know* that unless something big happens….that is not going to happen.  It is hard now because when he talks about conversations with female friends….the same female friends that I was *okay* with before….my stomach turns upside down.  I trusted him before and knew he wouldn’t cheat on me.  Now, although I don’t believe in any strong sense that he likes these girls like that or they like him like that, he can be with them if he wants to.  That is the hardest part for me.  It is wierd – nothing and everything changing all at the same time.  If anyone wants to know what I want for Christmas (and Bailey if you are reading this…you *know* you are NEVER supposed to know where my diary is or read my diary…so for the breach of trust you must deliver this for Christmas) I want Bailey back.  I want him back in the fullest sense of how I had him before – complete with a 6 month gaurentee that’ll he’ll propose.  I’ll do most anything for that Christmas wish to come true.  Reminds me of my favorite Christmas song "my grown up Christmas list" – in addition to all on that list…I want my Bailey!

I’m sure there is more going on – I just can’t think about it now.  I left a little early tonight and I plan on reading my book and going to bed early.  I am so excited at the prospect!  And 3 days off….YAY!