this territory goes uncharted

ok so obviously i’m the worst at updating ever.  but i’ve been faithfully reading everyone else, i promise.  every time i go to update, i realize i’m just saying the same things over and over and it all just feels too pathetic.

life is alright.  it’s spring so of course that means something for my damaged mind–not "good", but not dreaming up ways to off myself every second of the day.

my last class that i’m taking, anthropology, is ridiculously easy and fairly interesting.  the people in my class, however, make me dumber just being in the same vicinity as them.  seriously, the average on our midterm was a 40.  i got a 102 and not because i’m smart but because the professor told us EXACTLY what was going to be on it and i crammed for less than 2 hours beforehand.  to give you an example of how ridiculously stupid these people really are: we were going through all the species throughout human evolution. the first upright being was the australopithicus (what most people know as "lucy"), essentially what we can picture as more ape than human, only about 3.5 ft tall, very small brain comparatively (350 cc, ours now is around 1400).  after the teacher finishes explaining this and other various facts about them, this kid goes "but they spoke english, right?"  i am not making this up.

now on BOYS:

i realized i write so little about my love life, which is kind of sad because it’s honestly the most interesting part of my life by far considering that i’m such a serial dater most of the time. i think maybe if i write it down it’s proof of what i serial dater i really AM and it’s…kinda bad.

but i’ve actually been dating ONE guy for the past couple months, jay, who i have an actual connection with.  of course it is MY life so the one guy i have a connection with in years comes with major complications.  the 2 biggest complications are that he lives an hour away (which wouldn’t be terrible if it weren’t for the second) and he has sole custody of his 10 year old daughter (he’s 31).  we also have exact opposite work schedules (he works 7-3, i often work during the day but i always work 4-9, plus he gets weekends off and i typically work both days). these things added together equal we hardly ever get to see each other and driving is probably on my top 3 least favorite things to do and i pretty much always have to come to him because of his daughter.  but i really really like him and he’s SUCH a good father which is so attractive to me (i was kind of surprised by how affected i was by that).  and i’ve had ZERO desire to meet/date anyone else since i met him, which is big.  so i guess i’ll just go with the flow for now, i’m just kind of scared for us to all get attached (there’s a kid and both our dogs in this mix as well) and then have the distance be too much for us to handle. and i’m terrified to get into a real relationship, regardless of all our starting issues.

that’s enough for now. i WILL be updating more often because i feel very disconnected from here, which doesn’t really bother me anywhere else in life but here it does.