Let’s Start

A diary.

I have been writing for a long time. Always when I am at my lowest. On notebooks or pieces of papers at first and then on an offline journaling app.

I write to get my emotions out. To exorcise them.

For a while I just talked to my friends. I would just go to them and be the truest version of me. Never answering with a vague “I am fine” when asked “how are you?”. But things have been going downhill so much that I ended up feeling like a burden. I was a burden. So I stoped. Or at least I limited myself. Now I do not cry in front of them anymore. I avoid going too deep into my emotions. I do not show them the scars on my hand anymore. I am not fine, that they know, but I will be. That is my new vague answer “I will be fine”. Not quite a lie but not a truth I believe in neither.

I also write to remember. To not forget what life had me go through. What people have me go through. I write to read my past emotions and remember what I may have forgot.And that what takes me here. I have lost some of my writing over the time, and I feel that here, they will be safe.

The offline version was good for a wile. But I think that I got used to share my stories and I felt like something was missing. So I hope that here I will feel, I don’t know, less alone maybe?

I will start by uploading my offline entries. I think I will add a bit of context to some of them. Then I will continue here.

My name here is Shams. I will talk about my feelings and the people in my life. I’ll refer to them with the first letter of their first name.

If someone ends up reading this, thank you. Thank you for reading. Thank you.