Another Doc Appointment

 

 

 

So I saw my doctor again today. The meeting was kind of pointless but it was good to see him nonetheless. I don’t however see him again until April 24th because next week I am meeting with the nutritionist and the GP so he thought it would be too many appointments, especially for my hubby since he has to come home from work to watch the kids. Anyways, we didn’t talk about much in the appointment except that I am supposed to be trying to change my thoughts by saying positive affirmations. This way, he hopes, I will learn to not have to punish myself when people hurt me, which is what I do.

 

 

 

I did some more work on the ED book that my therapist gave me. I organised my binder with all these worksheet things that I am to do everday. This includes, relaxation records, my Voice Diary, Affirmations, etc. It felt good to do that and get it organised. I hate it when things are out of place. I intend to actually start the work that the recovery book outlined, hopefully soon. A small part of me is thinking I would like to change and focus my attention on nurturing myself and my body but then another, BIGGER part, says not yet. I am hoping that by doing the work, something will shift in my thinking and I will find it easier to take baby steps towards recovery and that I will eventually want recovery.

 

 

 

I know that once my in-laws on here on May 13th that I will have to eat more. I will have no choice because they will be on me about my weight constantly and probably shoving food down me all the time. I am a bit scared of this. Scared of gaining too much too scared, scared of them seeing me eat (what if I lose control or want to binge and can’t?). My husband just bought a DVD player to put in our bedroom so I will be able to hide out in there and watch a movie if I need some alone time. That was nice. I am slowly starting to rearrange all my closets and cabinets in the house before my in-laws get here. I am almost done actually.

 

 

 

I am seeing my family doctor tomorrow as he has to fill out that form to say that I can still drive. I am kind of scared and that he won’t let me drive because of my ED. I don’t know what I will do if that happens.

 

 

 

More exciting news, the carnival is in town and we plan to go to it this weekend. My daughter is so excited to go and has been waiting for it to come since last year. I love rides but not sure if I should go on them as I am afraid I might have a heart attack or something. I was thinking that if I eat something before I go there then I might be fine. I don’t know. What do you all think? Should it be safe for me to go on?

Oh, I signed my daughter up for gymnastics and soccer. I am so excited for her to start gymnastics. I think she will love it.