Sing for me, my angel of music…

Yup- that’s right. I am seeing PHANTOM OF THE OPERA TOMORROW!! YIPPEEE!! I am sooooo excited! It’ll be a blast! Mikey is already going to see it with his dad (who refused to get me a ticket, even though my dad has treated Mike to the Opera twice now for tickets that are $152 bucks a pop) But, I am going to go see it with Julie and ::blush:: Bill.

Bill… he is a bartender at Houli’s. Aspiring to be a screen writer, him and I have shared many a great talks in the bar about plays, and movies, and all sorts of stuff. And, I have a major crush on him. Not even my type: About 6 foot (that’s always good) but not a skinny guy- not fat but not just skin and bones. He has one of those unique voices that just melt your heart. And I just noticed yesterday that he has one of those bottom lips you would like to just nibble on. Mmm.

He was supposed to come downtown with Mikey and Julie and I about two weeks ago to see a staged concert of Les Miz (Which was AWESOME- I saw it twice, and decided then and there I need a boy who can sing… seranade me every morning, and lullabye me to sleep every night) He was making plans, was looking for places to go afterwards for a drink, and had to cancel last minute because he forgot he picked up a shift a month back for one of the bartenders. So, when I suggested to Julie her and I go see Phantom, she called Bill and asked if he wanted to go. He said he would love to. So, tomorrow is the day. I am so excited!

I bought a new dress- too bad it’ll be cold for my new dress, but I will live. I just can’t wait to see it! Afterwards, we are all going drinking Chicago style. A night to remember, no doubt. Julie is going to try and instigate something between me and Bill… which I don’t think will happen, but… we’ll see. I have no expectations, except both of them will see me crying like a school girl, because that show gives me goosebumps just listening to the soundtrack.

Some of you who have been keeping up may be asking, “Well, what about Raf?” I guess we have decided that it’s just a sex thing… and I have been trying to be good- and I have been. No sex with Raf for two weeks now. Go me. Besides, he is going to try and go for Angie again, the one he believes is his soul mate. Too bad she is so messed up- real nice girl, but not good enough for Raf. Raf deserves better, and I am not saying that better is me. I think I am trying to do a bit of growing up, and stop it with just “messing around”. I want a boyfriend.

I was reading back through some entries tonight because for class, we need to get prose and poetry about survival for our final performance. I took the poem that I read at Kerri’s funeral (7/20/2001- Letting Go, you can read it if you want). I won’t be able to read it, but maybe someone else will. But, as I was reading, I found entries about Brian. Our relationship was awkward- I gave too much, and he didn’t give enough. One of the scenes we are doing in class, the girl says the line, “You need a girl who is independent, and I need too much from everyone.” It’s true… I wasn’t independent with Brian- he was my only friend at the time. I read through the entries- but didn’t miss Brian, just missed the feeling of being held and tickled, and kissed, and flirted with, and… just that naive sort of love. I miss it. I want it back. And to do that, I need to make some changes.

I have started eating better- salads, two meals a day instead of one, lots of water, stay away from bad things (Except last week- PMS- Needed the chocolate) Now, I gotta start exercising. The more I appreciate myself, the more others can as well. I want to do this FOR ME. I just need to get on it… and stay on it. I need to pray for God to help me.

Anywho… I am off to bed- gotta be up in 6 hours to shower- PHANTOM! AHH! I’ll post an after thought later 🙂