A Break Down

I very well understand I havent wrote in here in a long time. The last week has been caoutic.

I’ve been hanging out with 2 guys for awhile and it’s come to the point where they both like me. One loves me.. and I’m not sure how I feel back. They both know about each other… have since the beginning. I might lose one of them.. and the other guy hasnt really confided in me much these days. It’s all nuts and awkward. Do i date one of them hoping I made the right decision. Or not date either of them and wait along the way. Then the guy i ended up hating at the end of summer wants to hang out again. LIke more of FWB type situation. Just to make both of us "happy". I’m not sure I like the thinking behind that.

Then the guy I orginially liked now has an official girlfriend… so that just went out the window.

And this past week two pple I knew died- so 2 funerls in one week. Ugh so sad 🙁

I finally got put back to full time at work after being laid off for a month and at part time for 3 wks. I"m doing the work of 2-3 pple combined. I’m al ittle stressed. Finances suck and numbers are misplaced for the feds to look at. So tiring and blah.

I just wanna break down. Still worried a about my 15 yr old sis who has a blood clot in her leg. It’s somewhat genetic so I hvae a chance of getitng a clot as well. Really scary to a point. I feel like a need a vacation just to clear my head of everything and start over. If that were at all possible. I’d do things a little different I think…

Idk… i’d like to know where my life is headed. Do i need to look for different friends… a job? Which or both or what? ! I just keep tryiung to keep eveyrthing because i dnt want to lose them.. so difficult sometimes…