Didn’t You Know

Does it matter what i say. Probably not. I can try to keep close friends all I want but in the end. I still ending up losing the ones I trusted so much. I have about 4 friends that I can mainly trust and sometimes I can’t even talk to them about stuff. I don’t want to be embarrassed or weird them out because it’s stuff I wouldn’t normally say. I had 2 friends that I just lost (not in the 4) but they were the ones that I would talk to every day… 1 especially. He lives almost 2 hours away.

One stupid decisions made and he’s pissed at me for not listening and going with what he had to say. I’ve always trust him and took his opinions greatly. I listened to him alot and then one problem I don’t handle the way he thinks I should and he leaves. He won’t talk to me.. and besides he has a newly found g/f to take up the time that we used to talk together. He doesnt have to worry about feeling like crap that he has no one to go to. I’m one the one that is sitting here. I’m thinking… what do I do now? I don’t trust people very easily and I could always trust him.  I feel betrayed. It’s one thing we don’t agree on. Now… on fb of all things.. he makes his wall comments and most of the time I think they’re focused at me… i dont want to think that. But the way he says some thigns.. they are contradictory to what he’s originally told me. What do I believe? Is he trying to badger me and frustrate me more.. or is it harmless. I’ll avoid it for now.. but sometimes I cant help but wonder.

I dont know what to do or who to turn to. The other person I lost was a complicated mess. Sometimes I just hate guys in general. All i can say is that not being friends was his decision. I dont know… Why am I so bad with this whole keeping close friends. Granted I know some get too attached to me.. but they konw me and my boundaries. Why does this have to be soo hard.

I just want to break down in all honesty. I’ve been doing amazing compared to the past. And this trial is really putting in a downward spiral. Who do I talk to now? I used to text/ communicate with those guys like over 700 messages a day… Now…. like not even 70 to some others.:( I don’t feel very wanted right now on any level. Everyone has their own life and now I don’t exist.

Oh well.. such is life. I just need a venting session to a friend… and maybe cry if possible. I could use it.