Day 1 *school explanation

he’s gone. i cried last night. 🙁 i got some first though. i’m no moron. haha.

he made some videos for sawyer. one telling him he’ll be back soon and not to be sad (b/c i know he will be asking for him every day), one telling him to behave (b/c he’ll need to), one telling him not to bug beau, one telling him goodnight, etc. etc. and one for beau, though neither of us thinks beau is going to have serious problems with this. he’s attached to mommy. sawyer’s a daddy’s boy. i think it might stress them a little having the sitter here 4 days this week and daddy gone.

hopefully beau gets tired soon b/c i want to make sure i get showered and ready on time. i have to work later. i’m not feeling the greatest but i took meds and i’m hoping. he gets mad these days if i just leave him in the playpen while i shower, which sucks, b/c i also use that method to get sleep.

beau, like his brother and daddy, likes to sleep against the wall, so we took our bed off the frame and put the mattress against the wall. he seems happy with that. plus, with daddy gone, there’s nothing to stop him going off the other side. we should’ve done it a long time ago b/c he fell off a couple times when he was younger.

sawyer has been potty trained for some time now and hasn’t had an accident since about the beginning of summer (he wears a pull up to bed though), so he got a new Cars movie truck. he’s been looking at it at the store and i talked dennis into buying it for him. it’s a good tool for getting him to behave b/c i’ve told him i’m going to take it and put it on top of the fridge (one of the punishments we’ve used in the past) if he doesn’t.

speaking of talking dennis into stuff, he’s now moved on to willing to try one more time for a girl a few years from now. my only worries are : we have a hard time with the first about year and a half, having colicky babies and now one who doesn’t sleep and we might not get a girl no matter how many "rules’ we follow (have sex a certain amount of days before ovulation etc.) and i’m worried about my age (i’m 31 now.) but i feel like we’re not done and i feel i have an empty spot inside still. it’s nuts b/c i have so much trouble being a mother of 2. what am i thinking? i also didn’t even want kids til i decided to have sawyer. crazy. i even know what the child’s name is "meant" to be, either boy or girl. i just have this *feeling* about it. sometimes i have these feelings and i trust them.

otherwise, keep us in your thoughts and prayers. we need it this week with daddy gone. i think i’m over the initial sadness about it for now. i have a few things that should keep me busy. work today and tomorrow and next weekend, hopefully my photo shoot on wednesday, yoga that same day, a visit from my sister at some point, my mom should be around i imagine, and movies/books/magazines/TV shows to keep busy with. i also have a few games i play on fb that distract me. i love cafe world. don’t ask me why. i’m not liking farmville so far and might not last on it. i also like island paradise. so….let’s hope i manage ok. i’m also extremely tired; this cold is kicking my ass.i might even try going to bed early since i don’t have dennis here (i hate going to bed early if i can spend "us" time together.) that’ll help the days go by faster and might make me less grumpy. i have to walk sawyer to school on monday and wednesday (and pick him up) and they start awfully early, so i’ll need the rest (i realize some might be confused when i say school b/c we used to call preschool school as well. beau will go to that program when he’s 2.5 and to kindergarten when he’s 4, like sawyer–well, sawyer’s almost 4. anyway, sawyer is now in kindergarten at the local catholic school. that is actual school, not preschool or daycare or whatever. elementary school. they start at 8:15. should’ve sent him to public LOL. they start at 9:15 and end later b/c they double bus with sawyer’s school. and the public school is much closer to our house. and we know lots of kids who go there and could walk him. dangit.)

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