new doublers
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i haven’t used them yet; i washed them yesterday and plan to try them out today, but they look good. 
i don’t know what i’m going to do if sawyer grows out of the diapers i have now. i’ll just have to buy more, which i’m sure dennis will be thrilled about. he doesn’t mind the cloth dipes and he will use them but he doesn’t really see the point in them and finds them to be very expensive. oh well. he indulges me and that’s the important thing.
march 11th is the next fight date. at least this time i won’t be so nervous. i’ll be able to watch the fights before dennis’s without feeling anxious. they have lots of time to train too so he’ll be really ready this time. i really want him to win; it would make him so happy. 
tomorrow night, sawyer is staying home with nana and dennis and i are going to see alpha dog. we’ll probably go out to eat too but i don’t know.
i didn’t get to go visit u.v. last night while dennis was at class because she called five minutes after he left. oh well. if i made decisions to visit people sooner, i’d get a response from them on time!
my yoga teacher is adding classes, so i might be able to get in on wednesdays, rather than thursdays, which will be nice, because i’ll be able to stay for the whole class and i won’t have to rush to get home so dennis can make it to his class. our wednesdays are completely open.
i feel like i’ve gained weight. if i have, i know it’s not much, but i feel huge this week. oh well. i picked a cute outfit for going out with dennis tomorrow night, so at least i have that going for me. 🙂 maybe it’ll make me feel better to dress nicely and go out with the hubby. we shall see.
sometimes i feel like a bad mommy. i get mad and i end up being grumpy with sawyer. he doesn’t even notice but i feel guilty because he’s a really good boy; he is generally very happy, plays on his own, eats well, and goes to sleep at night with no problem. he just won’t sit still during diaper changes and it’s frustrating. i can’t amuse him for long and he starts turning over and crawling off (on the change table, no less–the floor is worse!) oh well. hopefully he gets over that or i find something to amuse him with. some days, it just gets to me; it depends on what’s going on in my life, i guess, or how tired i am.
i wonder if i will ever decide if he’s our one and only? i have the feeling he’s not, but i don’t know if i can go through another first year with a baby. if i had someone to do night shift, i might make it through, but then i think, i’ll have two. not just one. sawyer will be however old and need care, as would a baby. could i handle that? i don’t know if i could. we’ll see. i have lots of time to decide. i’ll soon forget how hard the first year was and change my mind, i’m sure. now, to lose the weight i need to lose before i will consider getting pregnant again…
ha! it might never happen at that rate!
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your not a bad mommy. i feel really bad when i get aggrevated at autumn too… because its not like they are TRYING to aggrevate us, ya kno? Your a good mom 🙂 … I dont know if I want another one either. Not because of the responsiblity/stress/lack of sleep… but for more personal reasons. Too much to write in a note lol.
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I think it’s like pregnancy. While you’re at the end of pregnancy you can’t wait for it to be over and the uncomfortable sleeping, the constant peeing, the hard kicks are all huge pains. Then when the baby is here for awhile you start missing the pregnancy because you block out all the annoyances. Maybe it’ll be like that when he’s older? LOL You’ll just remember how sweet it was to snuggle a newborn, how good their head always smells, the closeness you have with them. You won’t remember not sleeping, getting peed on, chasing them around the changing table to get them in a diaper LOL
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I feel your diaper change frustration! De wont stay still! RYN: LOL that tigger couch was bought before he was born! The reason we wanted the other is because he cant unfold it! LOL! De throws the tigger one everywhere! It amuses him though. 🙂 Im putting the new one in his room or in the dining room. Im turning the dining room into a playroom of sorts. A place where he can play and Mommy can attempt to do crafts & scrapbooking. I lost my dining room before Christmas so it is getting back to a normal room! It will be so great when Im done because I can sit down and nibble my food when De eats!
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I think your a great mom. Every mom gets aggrevated,but when you calm down i’m sure you love on him or talk to him so he knows you don’t mean it I’m so jealous. I wanna see Alpha Dog SOOOO bad. Let me know what you think of it. Hopefully hubby will take me to see it next week when he’s off
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Have you ever considered hanging a mobile above the change table? That made a world of difference with Trystan. That and we put his kick and play piano next to the change table. It distracted him long enough to keep him still for changes up until he was two!
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i think every mom gets grumpy with their kids. you’re a good mom, it’s ok to have a grumpy day. What kind of fighting does Dennis do? I don’t know how much clothe diapers cost but I used to spend at least $30/mo on disposables. Since E is 4 he qualifies for diapers now, but if I were to pay for them out of pocket it’s $10-12/package and he goes through one package a week. sooo i’ve got to believe you guys are saving money with cloth
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You’ll figure out how many you want eventually. You’re not a bad mother! Sawyer is a good kid, but they all have their moments just like we do. I really don’t think I want any more. I am sure if it were to happen we’d adjust, but it’s not in the plans for us. The first year is incredibly hard and draining. Lots of people are able to manage multiples. I think you’d be great as you are now. 🙂
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RYN: I know exactly what you’re saying. That’s why I am so comfortable saying Spencer is probably the only one for us – I know I couldn’t handle a bunch of kids. I find the same thing a lot as well. I rarely come across a woman toting 3 kids around that seems overwhelmed with happiness. It could just be my company, like you mentioned. Maybe it’s more of a follow the herd kind of thing? You would
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not believe the looks I get when I say Spencer is probably our one and only.
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Hey ur not a bad mom for getting agravated sometimes… if that was the case every mother would be a bad one.. .ur not the only one to get agravated!! I hope you have fun w/ Dennis tomorrow night. Sounds fun any how. Wish me and Lewis could do that!!
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RYN: It’s like I am somehow less of a mother because I don’t have a herd following me. I do the same things as mother with multiples so to me, that’s pretty unfair. Besides, I will be less than 40 years old when he graduates high school. That’s the prime of a woman’s life! If we do unexpectedly have another, I want to be done raising kids by at least 42ish.
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mommyhood is quite an adventure isn’t it? I don ‘t know if I could go through another first year with a second one but when I remember how amazing it was to watch Nick grow and learn new things, I think maybe it wouldn’t be so bad 🙂
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Another baby? If you dont feel ready then dont rush into it at all hunni but the bad Mommy… your human not a machine! Everyone mommy or not is entitled to have mood ups and downs you seem a great wonderful loving Mommy and wife!!! *huggles* L
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LOL you are so funny, T. i hope you had fun going out with dennis. my birthday is march 10th lol just thought i’d say so since he’s fighting the day after. you aren’t a bad mommy because you get frustrated with your child. that’s natural. i bet you’ll decide to have 2. being a “one and only” or an odd one (like the middle child) can be quite lonesome at times. i would know.
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But it would probably be more expensive to use disposable…because really you’re using the same diapers over and over, right? Not that I know anything about anything really. I’ll probably use disposable for convenience anyway. I got your back, though. kristen
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I’m so glad you two are getting time together as a couple. I think it’s important for couples to get out and do things without the kids every once in awhile… good for you both! I think you are a wonderful mommy… every mother has moments like that and if they tell you otherwise they’re lying… you keep up with your good work as a mom!
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awe another baby to spoil? that would be sweeeet lol
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I think you’ve done amazingly well, to be honest I’ve learnt quite a lot about infants through your eyes 🙂
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