I think I’m in love?

There is nothing that I hate more than what I am feeling right now. It seems that I am so fixated on my boss. 😍 I must admit that one morning my heart raced when I received a text message from her. No, it wasn’t personal but it felt right. My boss just wanted to ask if I wanted to go to another training like the one we had on Wednesday. I’m not sure if she realizes what I feel inside. It was a slight pinch to see her being with other staff members besides me. My palms of my hands started to sweat as well as my whole self.

I find her very attractive. My eyes are drawn to her lips and brown toasted skin. I am in love with her entire being, and I cannot describe just how attracted I am to her Latina features. Her tone is unbearable. It turns me on completely. Sometimes I wish her smile could also convey a sentiment in return. I crack a smile whenever I receive a text message from her. Like yesterday morning, for sure I had a gut to confess her what I feel for her, nothing. I must maintain the conversation more professionally. I did but apologized for any disruption. She just goes on  and says “What was the question” then the conversation proceeds. I believe she knows. I quite honestly, I don’t  think “I’m in love.” I can’t be in love.

I dedicate my summer break to my daughter. I’m still busy although I am not teaching summer school. I’m taking the pre-services and doing August lesson plan. For a teacher, I do a lot. I wish my paraprofessionals could show me as much enthusiasm to redo changes. They often come to the classroom right on the dot or late. Never will I be able to have any of them have an early start and input their ideas to personalize our classroom and our scholars to feel welcome. I do hand out their expectations, however, it tends to fade out or not give it a good thought for indication to see students grow out of those regressions. There is no time in the day to get things accomplished. Buses and parents come to pick up their children very late, and those 10-15 minutes planned for a small meeting get disputed because of their contract, so they leave. I try to have a group discussion for us to collaborate as a team, even so it is out of their contract hours when there is the voluntary heart to be willing and open to discussion and gather already ideas for improvement. For a teacher, it’s a lot. I know, they know, we just don’t have time. I would rather be planning “Do-it-yourself” work than bother them. They say they’ll do it the next day but they either call out or are just clumpy and forget it. I think when I invest all my energy to add new structure and color to my classroom, their minds zone out making me think “Well, is it worth my time?” I plan a lesson so they can follow through, and then they hurry and cram themselves to get it done in the morning. It’s not well addressed and that makes me sad a bit…  one of them switch the lesson without asking me.

Yes, I’m worried about next academic school year. I have the summer break to enjoy it with my family. I’m the teacher, the leader, the one that must be on top of things. If my paraprofessionals won’t take that responsibility then who will? I think about my boss. I’m thankful to have bumped into her in a professional world. She’s a true Goddess. My platonic love one. Maybe I’m doing this to impress her, and often times I think I failed her. She hasn’t replied to my text messages and it’s giving me a heartache, just a little. I will stop and give myself to do more what I have planned on doing…