Lonely

Sometimes it sucks to have a Teacher’s life. I attended yesterday’s 6 hour CD training where I was rejected by my boss. Prior to the training, she texted me and ask if I was going to be attending. Of course, my thoughts were back-forth. I was hoping for a calmed summer break, living my normal self for once. I did confirmed her and sent her a screenshot one of the days to attend the training. So, she knew but what for? She ignored me. She went to the same day as I. Was it a coincidence? I felt lonely even though I had two other professionals to hang out and stayed in tune with. I promised that I suck up what I feel and move forward, and I did.

The loneliness killed me especially when my wife and daughter weren’t home after I came back from my training. Maybe that’s a good sign. My wife did not had time to questioned nor suspected that I went along and eat out with my professional friends. I don’t dare to tell her unless she ask… Even so, I stutter and I’m afraid she’ll make me resign. She often says that she’s doesn’t mind if I collaborate with the professionals when it’s work-related. I still don’t want to take the risk with anymore surprises.

Well, I got home, had a few minutes to study, and another drive trip to go to college. I got released early, and still felt lonely. My family didn’t got home until very late. I envy for their engagement times together. I missing a lot of my daughter’s good childhood moments. Summer symbolizes a timeframe for most little kiddos are a seed, you water it and they start blossoming to a beautiful flower. That’s my daughter. She’s growing a few inches tall, very mature for her age, and nobody in my family seems to care much still… As days are going by, I wish I could pause the clock to be this little baby I held the first night God send me her… My family are disgraced of my loneliness, they should be ashamed of themselves. I can’t stop time, it’s impossible. They need to hurry up before her grandchild is fully a grown woman. When that happens, I know I’ll be the blame.