Hi again

wtf I haven’t been on OD forever. I don’t know what is going on.  I think I’m the most antisocial person on the earth but I choose to be that way.  I would love to hang out with people but it just doesn’t seem like it ever will happen.  I feel like everyone/thing is changing and I’m still staying the same.  But I don’t wanna be the same cause I’m so bored with my life but there is really nothing I can do about it now or in the near future. 

What is bothering me lately is  inferiority complex and how I don’t feel good enough compared to other guys.  Everyone always talks about how skinny I am and how ‘gay’ I am, when I’m not.  I know they aren’t being dead serious about it or anything but it just gets annoying.  I went on a date last Saturday with a girl from work and we saw New Moon lol but I don’t think its gonna go anywhere…I want it to..but she isn’t pursuing me like I want her to.  Is that bad?  I feel like I have never chased a girl and I don’t know how because I feel awkward.  Like she started out texted me…IMing me…and now I have to initiate it all..but she says she wants me to initiate it…but the problem is..I have never initiated anything.  I don’t initiate. My problem is is that I expect everyone to initiate with me and me never with them.  I need to learn that it takes 2 people…I have to initiate too.  I mean every with friends.  Anyone.  I’m always waiting for someone to talk to me first.  And no one does usually.  I dunno I feel like unless someone initiates something with me, they dont really wanna talk to or spend time with me?  I dont know if anyone else feels this way.  I see all these guys and girls start to hang out with each other and I’m like wtf.  I mean girls may try to initiate with me but I’m not into them or I just dont pick up on it.  I don’t know what girls want or mean when they say and do things and its irritating.

I also have this weird dry cough that I cant get rid of and I dont like it.