..and I try to be a good boy, but it’s hard.

Happy Mother’s Day!

Anyway. I had a strange dream last night. 
I died.. and I was seeing how different life would be with out me.
..and it was.. realistic, I guess. For lack of better words.
Nothing was really different.
Of course my family was upset and stuff.. but at the same time..
a lot of weight was lifted of their shoulders.
Not having to worry about me or anything.
I guess I’m just incredibly depressed..
especially if my subconscious is telling me that people would be better off with you dead.
I don’t know. I’m really in a bad mood.
I really hate my life.
Really.
Except, I have no idea what I want to do.
or what I CAN do.
So, I am waiting for it to get better..
but I cannot see how it can get better.
Especially if I’m not doing anything to make it better.
I need to do that.
I’m just..
in a bad mindset.
I have never been in a good mindset.
 
I cleaned my mother’s house over the weekend.
I am so broke I couldn’t buy her anything.. so I cleaned.
I don’t know how much she liked that, but I really don’t know what else to do.
I almost gave her one of the gift cards she gave me for my birthday.. in hopes she had no idea that I re-gifted it.
but, I figured she probably would know.. so.
I don’t know.
Speaking of, I might go see Iron Man.
By myself.
I really need to stop going to movies alone.
or make friends. hah.

-Suraque
(Drnk Txt Rmeo- Gym Class Heroes http://www.youtube.com/watch)