The Groundhog Tailor’s Heartfelt Movie Reviews

'idiots who don't know enough to hibernate until the ice has all melted get what they deserve!'

'i've seen sexier teeth on a dead beaver!'

'millions of american marmots suffered terribly during the civil war but you'd never know it from this snoozer!'

'why would anyone ever want to make a movie about the world's #1 spreader of deer ticks?!'

'i've overheard more interesting dialogue in an empty field!'

'obviously not anything those of us who can't count past two are ever likely to appreciate!'

'no real tails, only two teats - enough said!'

'sure, he may have freed the slaves but what did he ever do for punxsutawney phil?'

'just one more utterly depressing depiction of a future without fur!'

'news flash: hunger is no game!'

'this one is so bad i didn't even have to see it to hate it!'

'those interested in enjoying a real 3d adventure ought to try sticking their arm down my burrow!'

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