Quatro

I stood up for myself today. I arrived at work feeling exactly the same as I did yesterday… fighting back tears at the thought of working with that pinching kiddo again. The daily schedule showed my coworker was out again. I honestly don’t think she is ever coming back. Today I was scheduled to began my annual computer training. And as I sat there fighting back tears (and not succeeding), I stood up and walked over to find my supervisor. I asked if she was free to talk and she immediately said yes close the door. I explained to her what I was feeling and the struggling with working with this particular kiddo. I felt the tears welling up behind my eyes and I fought hard not to cry. My supervisor told me that as a company, it is their job to acknowledge any trauma staff might have and make any reasonable accommodations based on that trauma. She told me they could probably switch me and another RBT temporarily, but it would be impossible to guarantee that I would never work with him again. She said “it might happen sometimes. But at least it wouldn’t be as often as it’s happening now.” That’s really all I was asking for. I don’t mind filling in with him every now and again (like before). My big problem was the consistency of accumulating new bruises Every Single Day for days on end. Seeing these bruises on my body at home after work, it does something to me mentally and emotionally. It brings me back to that state of hopelessness I was in during my marriage. I couldn’t stop it from happening. And with this kiddo, it’s exactly the same. There’s nothing you can do about it. You ARE going to get more bruises. No matter what you do. And it’s fucking with my head. I’m just glad I said something and stood up for myself.

I didn’t end up working with him today. There were a lot of kids who called out. And one of our staff who is more unfamiliar with this kiddo filled in with him today. He did a pretty good job. I helped him through 3 different though moments during their session. It actually boosted my confidence about filling in with him again. I have no idea what’s going to happen tomorrow. I wouldn’t be surprised if I am assigned with him again. We shall see.

Well it’s late and I need to shower in the morning. There’s more I want to say, but I’ll save it for another time. Adios <3