A Little About Me

I’m not sure where to start so I’ll just blab a bit and state some random facts.

I’m 40, just turned February 4th 2025. I didn’t think I’d ever be this old, I don’t really know why.

I like to crochet but I’m not very confident about it. I undo most things I make many times before I finally settle.

My favorite shows of all time are, (in no order) Dr. Who, The Golden Girls, Bones, Ghost Whisperer and Call the Midwife.

I’m trying to punctuate and make sentences properly as if I’m being graded or something because my self-esteem is shit. Hopefully I’ll stop caring so much but still be understood.

I have Crohn’s disease. My whole colon was removed about fifteen years ago, I don’t remember the year. It’s all a blur because it happened so fast. I guess I’ll probably talk about that more later at some point. I had a stoma for about six months, no I have a j-pouch. Basically I poop out of my butt again instead of into a bag. I’m so grateful for that.

I don’t have any friends that aren’t family. I guess the closest person I have is my little sister but she lives an hour and a half away. The last time we saw each other in person it didn’t go so well. Another story for yet another day.

My husband and I are in a toxic marriage. We’re both shitty. He’s definitely narcissistic and sometimes misogynistic. I can’t let things go and spend so much time yelling why I’m hurt and why he should care. Trying to convince us both that I matter. I don’t feel like I matter. It’s really hard and lonely.

I drink too much and I’ve gained like 20 pounds in the last six months or so. I’m ashamed am feel gross in my body.

I’m not sure what else to say for now. I hope that putting my life and feelings out there to the world will help me feel more normal. Maybe less isolated? Or just that I’ve written it out instead of just thinking it.  We shall see I guess.