1782 It’s all so overwhelming right now.

Saucy Scale: 2

(The above ticker is based on the EDD.)

This morning as I was thinking through this entry in my head, I realized that I just assume that the same people who read me also read TBU.  While that might be true to an extent, it isn’t true for everyone.  So, let me start with a sidenote for those of who might not otherwise follow along.

TBU’s company was recently purchased by a competitor.  TBU still has a job, but not forever.  To say that his job is not solid, would be an understatement.  He’s being kept around through the "transition" which includes tying some loose ends with a few US offices that have been closed.

As of the beginning of March, his insurance will change…and we have no idea who the new insurance carrier is or what the coverage will be like.

/ END SIDENOTE.

Two weeks ago at my check-up, I asked when I might expect to have these babies arrive.  "Week 39 or 38 for sure & maybe even at Week 37" was the response. 

Coincidently, Week 37 falls the last week in February…as in prior to the 1st of March and new insurance.  TBU and I have been discussing our desire to to try schedule the c-section for the last week in February in order to avoid any complications with the insurance company changes.  You dig?

I was stupid and sort of hung my hat on the hope of delivering the twins in Week 37.

Last night I saw my OB for my check-up.  I brought up the topic of scheduling my c-section.  I explained the job/insurance situation so that he would know that there is a "legit" concern behind my request…and not just b/c I want to hurry up and give birth.

My OB was very hesitant.  He wants to speak with one of my doctors at the Perinatology Practice before he will decide.  Basically, he was telling me "no".  He was pretty sure that the Perinatologists would require (at least one if not both babies) having an amnio done.  I’m just not down with that. 

And I understand that the health of these babies is the number one priority here.  I know that.  I believe that is the my most important goal/priority as well.  If this decision is so large (for the docs) that it would require an amnio (or two), then obviously, it is too early to deliver the babies.

Now comes the point in the entry when I need to complain.

Knowing that I need to keep these babies safely tucked away a few extra weeks doesn’t change the fact that my body is under an amazing amount of stress right now. 

My body.

My mental state.

My emotional state.

I’m feeling very vulnerable and raw.  I am constantly on the verge of tears, and I’m not sure which of the stresses is to blame at any given moment.  And there’s always the hormones!

I can barely walk.  I find myself "blowing" labor-breathing-style just to get air in me, all the time. 

I’ve got burning ligament pain in my groin/left leg connection that never stops.  (Which I’ve had for a few months now.) 

When I stand up, it feels as if my inner organs might seriously drop out of my body. 

My bladder feels like is always full.  When I run to the bathroom, it is usually not much more than a trickle.  I am so sick of bathroom breaks.  I am so sick of feeling unclean (TMI…that’s all I’m saying).

My sleep is crap at best.  Between the whacked out hormonal dreams, the nocturnal potty breaks, and just the intense amount of effort it takes to roll over…I’m not getting much quality sleep.

I am barely functioning.

From where I sit today, I don’t feel like those extra 7 days are doable.  I really don’t.  I don’t think I’ll make it mentally or physically.  Every part of me is exhausted.  Every part of me is overwhelmed.

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