Exhausted. Mom Things.
I hate those times when you just – don’t know where to start. This is one of those times.
I’m just overall super overwhelmed. Can’t get in a routine. Trying to be a good mom. No time for myself. Husband is driving me crazy. Everything.
I guess let’s start with a little life update. We moved in August to an up-and-coming town, about 45 mins from Big City. This has thrown a substantial wrench into a lot of things. First and foremost – this is a new build, and we closed on it APRIL of 2021. At the time – I was fully remote, so moving aways away wasn’t a big deal. Cut to now – I’m working in an office that’s AN HOUR AND A HALF from my house. So I’m spending a considerable amount of time in the car. So on top of having no time as a working mom – now I REALLY have no time cuz I’m spending literally minimum 2 hours in the car every day. Sometimes 3.
I’d love to get back into working out. We have our Peloton Bike and Tread and they haven’t seen the light of day. Not from me, or my husband. But in between keeping a toddler + 6 mos old alive, when are we supposed to have time to do anything?
My company also just promoted me into senior leadership. This is pretty big. I’m 1 of 4, essentially running an entire channel within our company. I kind of think that’s also been a factor in my recent exhaustion – elevated role, elevated responsibilites. They are appreciative of me and my contributions to the company in the short time I worked there, and I believe they want to continue to invest in me. HOWEVER – I have been thinking a lot about possibly exploring remote only roles. I actually don’t want to work remote only, but if it means more time with my family and a better routine – I’d leave a job I love in a heartbeat. That’s the real deal.
My husband. I love him dearly. But ever since we went through our pretty rough time 4 years ago – he’s super clingy. He is pretty dependant and needs me for everything. I was somewhat that way but I’ll tell you something, my love language is NOT physical touch and he’s constantly touching me. I feel bad but it makes me uncomfortable. Could be post partum still. But we just can’t get on the same page, it seems like. Everything is driving each other crazy. We have a solid foundation and are in a good spot, but I want to make sure that we continue to grow vs. hit a rough spot and then deal with the ramifications later…
On the parent front – are we getting our asses kicked. Having 2, 2 and under is just exhausting. We have no weekend, no life. Weekends are Costco and trips to the museum. It’s not that I’m not grateful, it’s just I’m exhausted. Sometimes, it seems like you can’t live. 🙁 So much caretaking and never putting yourself first. As an example, I used to get my brows and nails done regularly- haven’t now in 2+ months, maybe longer. But we are getting our asses kicked. My son Tarin is just – intense. He’s SO big for 2, so his idea of “playing” actually can hurt… lol. And today, Kesley is just a ball of not wanting to nap and needing a lot of attention. It’s so much sometimes. Weekends take on a whole new meaning when you become a parent.
Anyway… I’m tired. Just, tired. I want to not be tired, but that likely won’t be a thing. For awhile.
Much love,
~Elle.