So much has changed.

I find myself only writing on here every 6 or so months.  I am hoping to make that more frequent; I think I could really use it these days.

I was reading back to some of my last entries about how much I hated my job as a director – and guess what?  I quit!

Yep – that’s right, I quit. I quit in mid-December, last day was January 2nd.  I had essentially the entire month of January off.  And now… I have a new job.   AND GUESS WHAT AGAIN?  I took a lower level.  I’m back to being a manager, overseeing individual contributors.

I couldn’t be happier.  This job is going to be a cakewalk compared to my last job.  My boss is fun, hyper (lol), and overall a good dude. I am very much looking forward to this next chapter.

Today though was a tough day.  Tough parenting day.  Tarin and Kesley are almost 5 and 3 respectively – damn, these are hard ages.  Last night was Mitchell and my 10 year anniversary.  I have to say, he was very supportive during this career shift for me – he encouraged me to quit and was supportive in me finding a new job.  We had a bit of a (good) turning point in our marriage.  I find that I still want to work – that’s something that brings me some purpose – but now, I feel as though I’ll have a lot more energy to just be present.  I don’t want to get into this – but my boss at my last company was just bad.  It’s difficult that bosses have so much power into the wellbeings of individuals.

Back to today – phew.  I felt so bad.  I felt like a bad mom, wife, etc.  I was angry all day, and I have no idea why.  I got sleep last night.  The kids though push every button that I have.  Being almost 5 and almost 3, they have HUGE personalities right now.  It’s a blessing to see them grow and develop, but they also have zero boundaries and are so hard to ensure they are staying safe.  I was so short with most everyone in my family.  I mean to be fair, I just started my new job this week.  I could have been super overwhelmed.  And then as part of my new job, I fly out on a business trip on Monday.  There’s a lot going on.  It kind of never stops for us either.  I also got off on the wrong foot with my husband this morning.  The kids have swim lessons at 8:30 on Saturdays.  It feels like every Saturday, I’m always the one getting them up, getting them ready, wiping butts, etc.  This goes back to Mitchell NOT being a morning person at all…. even though, during the week this week, Mitchell took a lot of the morning responsibility so I could get a good start to my new job.  So it’s so much give and take.  I dk though, today… was just a bad day for me.  My family deserved better 😫

My parents get here tomorrow which is a bit of a relief.  I also am excited to go on this business trip – I won’t have a ton of responsibility (this will be a FIRST for me on a business trip… I’m always the organizer, gatherer, etc) – so a few quiet days might be a nice reset.  I kind of dread some of the days though, they are so long – trainings all day then team events in the evening.  Can sometimes be 12-13 hours!

On another note… after an embarrassing drinking outing in December… I have been sober now for 50 days.  I am so, so, SO going to try and stick with it this time.  Alcohol has done NOTHING for me.  I always feel ashamed and dumb the following day.  It’s also so aggressively linked to cancer anymore… I dk.  No judgment if you drink at all – I have a ton of alcoholism in my family as well, so I’m trying so hard to break cycles.  My parents are BIG drinkers – they are coming into town tomorrow, and I pray that I can stay the course of sobriety despite their party ways.

Anyway… today was not great, but life is pretty good.  I need to remember not to live in absolutes.  Also, when I say “not great” – it’s all relative.  I am so blessed.  Healthy family, great kids, love my life here in Desert City.  I have some hard moments right now due to circumstance (toddler parenting, anyone?) but tomorrow is a new day, and a new opportunity to do better.

much love,

~Elle