BIGGAYDAN Enters THEREPUBLICANMATRIX, Part VI

Part V

Timmy motioned to the bed next to where INSANELYHOTGIRLFRIEND was. BIGGAYDAN shrugged and laid down. Timmy laid down in the bed next to BIGGAYDAN. He began to wonder what was going on. “Hey, what is thi…” A large cord was shoved into BIGGAYDAN’S spine.

BIGGAYDAN is standing in whiteness. All around him, a plane of white. Timmy is in front of him, with different clothes on.

“What is THEREPUBLICANMATRIX, BIGGAYDAN? Control, BIGGAYDAN.” Timmy paused and began to circle BIGGAYDAN. “Look at yourself. Different clothes. Clean shaven. Take a look at your weiner.”

BIGGAYDAN looked down the waistband of his undies and glanced at his weiner. “Hey, my foreskin is gone!”

“Yes. Yes, it is, BIGGAYDAN. You have less of a penis. This is what we call Residual Self-Image. You see yourself as you want to see yourself. It does not matter what reality is, all that matter is what you believe is real. What is real, BIGGAYDAN?”

“…Hey, don’t pull any philosophical bullshit on me, I’m too gay for it!”

“Calm yourself, I’m asking you a serious question.” Timmy snapped his fingers and a hot – and very naked girl – appeared. BIGGAYDAN tried to look away, knowing his INSANELYHOTGIRLFRIEND was still out there. “Is she real, BIGGAYDAN?”

“Well. She.. Um. She … looks real?”

“I’m not talking about her breasts, BIGGAYDAN. Is she real?”

“I…”

“Perhaps I haven’t explained this clearly enough. THEREPUBLICANMATRIX is a giant illusion we all live in. A computer program, if you will. A virtual paradise compared to the quote unquote real world. But, there’s one catch. The Republicans are in charge and they restrict our freedom.”

“…What does this have to do with the naked girl in front of me?”

Timmy nodded at the girl. She walked directly in front of BIGGAYDAN and looked him in the eyes. She brought her face close to her, with her tits bumping into BIGGAYDAN’s chest. Bringing her knee swiftly into contact with BIGGAYDAN’s testicles, he grabbed his balls and fell to the ground.

“WHAT THE FUCK WAS THAT FOR?”

“To prove a point. Your balls will be aching for a while, I assure you. Now while this girl does not exist outside of THEREPUBLICANMATRIX, she is very much real in this realm. Her breasts will feel just like you were fondling her outside of THEREPUBLICANMATRIX. And when she kicks you in the balls, it’s as if she really did kick you in the balls. Change form, you may, but if you are injured in THEREPUBLICANMATRIX, you are injured in real life. Hey, don’t expect me to explain it, I’m just trying to be consistent with the original.”

“Point taken. I don’t think you need to explain THEREPUBLICANMATRIX to me. But. Um. What is the real world?”

Timmy snapped his fingers. The floor beneath Timmy and BIGGAYDAN suddenly disappeared. The whiteness seemed to fade into blackness. The pair landed comfortably into seats. Theatre seats. BIGGAYDAN noticed a screen rolling previews. Timmy had a bucket of popcorn and seemed to be shoving handfuls into his mouth. Without bothering to clear his mouth, he motioned to BIGGAYDAN, “Want some?”

“Uhh. That’s okay.”

Timmy pulled out a remote and clicked it. The screen showed some strange post-apocalptic scenery.

“This is the world as it is now. Of course, you’ll never see any of that because we’re all underground and secretive and fly around in THEREPUBLICANMATRIX a lot.”

Timmy clicked a button on his remote.

“This is the world you know now. Or rather, did know.” The screen showed scenes of BIGGAYDAN’s former room, with semen still in his sheets.

“Dude, how the hell?…”

“Oh please, we gotta do something to pass the time. You’re quite the acrobatic masturbator, BIGGAYDAN.” Timmy laughed. BIGGAYDAN sunk in his seat.

“THEREPUBLICANMATRIX was created to sedate us. Keep us silent. They adhere to strict so-called ideals, and expect everybody else to be the same. As such, homosexuals are .. forbidden. That is why we freed you. We believe you are the one we have been looking for. The one I’ve been looking for.”

Timmy turns to BIGGAYDAN, “You are THEGAY, BIGGAYDAN.”

“I’m not gay.”

“Sooner or later, you will accept it. You are THEGAY. You are the single-most concentrated entity of gayness. Only with your excessive gayness can we hope to free man and womankind from THEREPUBLICANMATRIX.”

BIGGAYDAN sighed and paused, thinking.

“Wait, why can’t you just use your magical orgasmic powers? Fuck, dude, you can change into a girl.”

Timmy smiled. “Yes, yes, I suppose I can.” Timmy snapped his fingers. A white light came over Timmy. When it dissipated, Timmy looked like Betty White. “Oh. Whoops. Suppose I should be somebody more attractive.” Another flash of white light, and Timmy looked like Carmen Electra. He felt up his breasts and winked at BIGGAYDAN. “Powers, I may have, they are useless against Republicans. Only you and your mastery of your BIGGAYPOWERS can defeat the Republicans. Every man and woman who has attempted to vote a Republican out of office has failed.”

BIGGAYDAN stood up and started to walk out of the aisle. “No.. I don’t believe you. I’m not gay!!”

Timmy snapped his fingers. He returned to his normal form, and the whitespace surrounded them again. BIGGAYDAN seemed slightly agitated.

“GOD DAMN IT, LET ME OUT OF THIS BIGGAYNIGHTMARE!!”

His INSANELYHOTGIRLFRIEND removed the cord from his spine, and BIGGAYDAN returned to the real world. Panting, he got up and stumbled across the room. “I’m not gay.. I’m not gay..”

Arnold, still sitting in his position as operator, shook his head, “Da boy is gonna pop.”

BIGGAYDAN’s eyes rolled into the back of his head. His GIANTMANCOCK bulged forth from his pants and ejaculated onto the deck. He fainted and fell backwards.

Timmy was slightly agitated, “Oh god damn it, I’m not cleaning that mess up.”