Complacency.

Confidence is a tricky thing. The problem I’ve been victim to (and I’m sure a lot of people are victim to) is assuming that our current emotional state is how we’ll feel in five minutes. Well, the time integral of five minutes doesn’t quite matter. Not so much delaying gratification, but recognizing that giving up because you “aren’t in the mood” is self-defeating. In reality, change a few variables, and most of us tend to feel a little better.

Okay, application. I’m still scared to leave this hellhole. Context, as in, going to change my major and get a job. I was fine Friday, that awful rainy day it was. So why the change now? Don’t know, must be something in my head, or perhaps it’s just spending too much time here.

You know, I really don’t want a job. Oh sure, who does. I recognize that I need something to occupy my time. But really, I just want to get a job to get my dad to shut up. He’s such an ass. He likes pointing out how I have no life. Is that how his parents treated him? Geez.

I have a problem of complacency. I just stop caring. I do better when I get sick of myself and decide to do something about it.

I wonder what normal people do with themselves all day. What with a life full of regret, I try to remind myself that I don’t need to sit in my ass, and that I’ll probably feel better about myself in the future once I do the basic things that I have to do. And people wonder why I hate summer. It’s torture, because nothing’s ever good enough. Last summer was nice. Well, almost. Even I felt taxed with the socialization, to the point where I felt oversocialized. It’s a bitch when people do the same things over and over again.

Sigh.