New Plan Addendum.

Oh wait, there’s more on my mind.

When I spoke of The New Plan in the third draft of the Timmy Manifesto, I had more in mind than what I wrote. That seems a bit far-reaching, to think I could have had more in mind than what I wrote. What I wrote was rather ambitious as it was.

I wanted to be able to look at each day and decide, “Okay, these are all the things I can do today”, regardless of whether they are things I wanted to do or things I needed to do. I’ve always been really scared of doing that in the past. It’s taken a bit of quiet resolve to fully accomplish this.

I have a thing about not writing things if I don’t feel them. That’s why I was never positive in years past. Because it never felt right. (My hesitancy to write about bad things is a different story.) As such, I did not feel comfortable adding a clause to the New Plan that I would write out my intentions for the next day or so. Because at the time, it wasn’t something I felt I could do. Not yet. So I didn’t verbalize it, and tucked it away in the back of my mind.

It’s something I’ve had to utilize in order to defeat The Weekend Dip. Last weekend wasn’t perfect, but it was an improvement. With annotating all the things I can do, I always have something to look forward to. In addition, doing things a bit in advance will ease whatever stress level I was giving myself before.

At the end of September, I decided October would be my month. And despite the dips I’ve had, oh there have been, that only encouraged me more to jump off the ground and keep going. It’s what I do when I exercise. After I stretch, I like hopping to my feet. Like reaching for a cache of energy. I’m staring apathy in the face and showing that I can do anything. I’m giving myself an ambitious schedule next semester. Because I know I can do it.

The New Plan is finding what works best for me. It’s adding order and structure where before there wasn’t any. Chaos has been my demon for a long time. Just bouncing around haphazardly. I guess I never had the resolve to really focus before. The tendency to feel overwhelmed got me before. But really looking at everything piece by piece is helping. Anytime something feels too big, I just break it into a smaller piece and say, “Okay, do that smaller piece instead.”

I’ve moved from vision to action. With seeing why everything happens so clearly, I am very well in control of my life. I am in control. I am in control.