Startling Conclusions! (Well, maybe not) Part I

Status Report

Wearing

WinAmp is Playing: Porch – Pearl Jam

Last ate: Pepperoni pizza, Dominos.

Last round of masturbation: Two nights ago?

Entry Start Time: 11:47 PM

Based on Esther’s “Senses”.

Ah, it was a good weekend for TimmyTM. What better way to spend the weekend before some exams than by relaxing? *smiles* No point in tricking myself into thinking that I’d actually do something here over the weekend. Ha ha, nein. So Kivudet and I had HOTGAYSEX. (You wish.) We did stuff. And last night, I found myself thinking rather odd thoughts. I can’t really remember how Kivudet and I started talking about what we were, but in an effort to help myself remember how to write it, I… gave myself a starting place? I think. A couple starting places. Let’s see how this turns out.

I imagine myself in that Thai restaurant trying to explain this to feeble-minded humans. The Minor might get it. They say that who we are is the culmination of all the things we’ve experienced in our lives. I tend to agree that, more or less, things that happen to us effect who are are. If things happened in my life a different way, I would be a different Timmy. I’m reminded of how there is a master function T which encompasses all possible Timmys, and that Timmy is forever changing moment to moment. The Timmy which exists now is different, if only slightly, from the Timmy that existed five minutes ago. I mention if only to show what thoughts have already crossed my mind.

Imagine I’m sitting at a table, and I move the fork from my right side, where it was sitting, to my left side. Now, also imagine a world where I didn’t move that fork. Now, the question is, is there really any difference in Timmys from the Timmy that moved the fork to the one that didn’t? Yes, there is a difference: One moved the fork, and the other didn’t. Now wait, is that it? Did this experience change Timmy at all? One Timmy exerted a negligable amount of energy in moving the fork, while the other didn’t.

Now, suppose it’s the next day. Let’s be honest, will Timmy even remember moving that fork? If he thought about it, maybe. But, why would he? Has the experience of moving the fork changed Timmy? Perhaps I’m stringing this out more than I need to for emphasis. It’s clear to me that the moving of the fork really didn’t change Timmy. The Timmy that moved the fork is pretty much the same as the one that didn’t.

This is one end of the extreme. Just so it’s out in the open, the other extreme would be that if I had not lived, at all, the life that I have lived. For example, if I had all the memories and experiences of Adolf Hitler, I would be for all purposes, minus physical appearance, Adolf Hilter. To me, this is simply another heap of sand problem. How much different of a life must I have lived for me to cease being Timmy?

I’m reminded of something Princess said not too long ago. She was amused at how we took some of the same classes, yet lead very different lives. At the time, it just seemed to be a testament to how we all innately react to things. In a way, the things we do don’t really effect much. Instead, we assimilate things into our lives.

Imagine if I took different courses in High School. Now, seriously, would my life be all that different? Something that always amuses me is when I read how people have the “best friends in the world”. Chances are, if you had the “best friends in the world” and were put in a different school system, you would still manage to find the “best friends in the world”. As different as we all are, we all serve token functions in each other’s lives.

I managed to pull a speculatory tangent after the first two sentences of the previous paragraph. So, would life be all that different? I tend to agree with the notion that there are certain “cusps” in time. The fork example would be something completely trivial in our lives. Whether or not our parents had sex at such and such time (which resulted in our conception) would definitely be a cusp in time. For if a different set of egg and sperm met, it’s clear Timmy would NOT be Timmy. AP Physics might be considered a cusp. For had I not taken that class, Princess and I would not have exchanged online info. And if I wasn’t in that particular lunch period Junior Year, I would not have dated Angel.

Now, let me actually think about this. If I had not met Princess, would I be all that different? I do not mean if my life would be all that different. I mean, would Timmy with Princess be the same as Timmy without Princess? Hard to tell. If I hadn’t her company, I would simply have gone without her. I wouldn’t know what I’m missing. I would know nothing of the wonderful girl that is Princess. Has she changed me? Probably. But, again, would the Timmy with Princess be the same as Timmy without Princess? I’m not sure.