Super Mario Bros. 3

Status Report

Wearing: Still my ThunderCats shirt. I considered getting naked for the entry, but eh.

WinAmp is playing: Bulls On Parade – Rage Against The Machine

Last ate: Food my mom made.

Last round of masturbation: Couple hours ago.

Entry Start Time: 9:40 PM

Based on Esther’s “Senses”.

Run. Jump. Repeat as necessary.

Somewhere in the mood Friday Night, I decided to play Nintendo. Not GameCube. Not SNES. Good old fashioned 8-bit fun. I don’t even own a GameCube. Last I checked, the system was acting querky. It was right after my SNES decided to reroute all button functions to the A button. (The Win Button!) It’s not the games. It’s not the controllers. It’s the system. If I hit the a-button, it’s like I’m hitting all the buttons at once. I’m tempted to look around used games stores and take a SNES off their hands. You know, before they trash them.

I think I tried Faxanadu first. Started the game and said, “Wait just a damn minute, I’ve played through this before. I’m NOT playing it again and copying down those infernal passwords.” So many times, playing that game, I got the password wrong. Same with Willow. Great games. Horrible password system. I want to smack the person who decided they needed both upper AND lowercase letters. And letters that look THE SAME. I learned fast to mark my zeros by putting a line through them.

Faxanadu is a game you have to play through. Codes take the fun out of most games. So I moved to Kirby. As always, the level I popped out of was the next to last door on the last world. You know, the black and white level with the really cool music. I want to rip the music off that level and put it in mp3 format. I LOVE THAT MUSIC.

I didn’t feel like starting over the game I had, so I looked around a box of games I had. Bartman Versus The World, or whatever it was called. Wizards and Warriors II: Ironsword. Horribly hard game. Solar Jetman. Even with maps, you’re fucked. Zelda, gold plastic and all. I don’t believe people that say they actually made a Zelda in that gray plastic. The only Zeldas I’ve seen are gold. I considered beating the game in a day. I think I’ve done it before. Well, the first quest. Second quest will take a little more time. I actually remember every single level in that game. Both quests. I remember the first time I went into Level 9 on the second quest. I forget if I had the guide from the second issue of Nintendo Power on me or not. All I know is that I beat ganon without the red ring. *smiles* …No wait, that might have been Wendi on the first quest.

Nevermind.

I saw Super Mario Bros 3. I shoved it in the system. Like most games, it didn’t respond. A q-tip and a wipe of nail polish remover on the contacts later, that ugly red stage appeared. Playing the game felt almost foreign. I don’t really remember the last time I played it. Some of the effects from Super Mario World, I expected to be there. Specifically, being able to toss the shells up vertically. *smirks* I love being a show-off. Tossing the shell up and then catching it in mid-air.

I personally think Super Mario Bros. 3 is the best Mario game they ever made. Levels weren’t all that long, but if you got stuck on one little thing, man, you were fucked. The World 3 airship ate 11 of my lives. Son of a Bowser. Well, daughter, actually. My problem was that I was going too fast. I like running fast and relying on my reaction time. On that level, it’s best go slow. Especially against Wendy. I tend to hit them on the head, then time it so I hit them again when they stop spinning. Thing is, she fires off those candy circles right after she recovers. So, most of those 11 deaths were from me jumping on her candy canes.

It’s like the programmers were gunning for me.

I don’t know about everybody else, but I hate Mario. It’s kind of ironic, since red is my favorite color. But, that red just annoys the shit out of me on that fat bastard. Luigi is Dick Cheney to Mario’s Bush. ..That sounds so horribly wrong. We all know Luigi’s out saving the world while Mario stuff’s his face full of high-cholestorol pasta. (Pretend pasta has high-cholesterol.) So I set my game up for 2-player and WATCHED MARIO DIE A HORRIBLE HORRIBLE DEATH.

I get very emotional during video games. It’s like a release. An outlet. Nothing pisses me off more than a computer that won’t let me do what I want to do. During each of those 11 deaths (and maybe more, believe me), I was very vocal about my displeasure of how things went. I sounded like someone was shoving a hot poker up my ass. “AAAAAHHHHHHH!!!!!!” well, maybe not like that. Think of Monty Python and the Holy Grail. The Castle “aaaaaaahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh”. Yeah. That’s it. “Aaaaaaaahhhhhhhhhhhhhh”. “Maybe he was dictating.” “Then why did he bother to write it down?”

I remembered World II was a desert. I could get into a level, and without really knowing why, I’d know where to go for certain power-ups. Memory knows where to go. Remembered World III was a waterworld. *blinks* NOOO, NOT WATERWORLDDD. “You’re going to pay to watch Kevin Costner drink his own urine? You can’t brew a Mister Coffee and get Taster’s Choice.” (Or something like that.) World IV, I hadn’t a clue what it was until I saw the first level. Gigantic world. *smiles* Pity you can’t replay levels like you can in Kirby, unless I’m forgetting something. Ice World made me say “Oh shit.” Pipe World I was slightly more familiar with, since we all used those three whistles to skip again, at some point. I usually hold off on warping, if at all, because I like getting all those nifty items. I think I have four clouds right now and a couple P-wings. Though, you can bet I’ll try to get through those World 8 levels manually.

I left the game on. Hopefully, my mom won’t plug the system like she did last night. *shakes head* Can’t trust the IQ of anybody around here. I unplugged the RF switch so they could watch TV. I wonder if I’ll even finish the game tomorrow.

I’ve definitely passed the mid-way mark of summer. Where the hell did the month go?

Did I mention that I might not have a roommate next semester? I think I did. The prospect of having a single again is very appealing to me. ALL THE MASTURBATION MY WEINER CAN HANDLE. And it’ll make it easier for me to restore…

I have a couple entries in queue in my mind. I’ll probably write at least one of them tomorrow.