That Time Of The Year.

Status Report

Wearing: “I’m not wearing any underwear.” shirt. For the third day in a row. I’m too lazy to get a clean shirt.

WinAmp is playing: Engel – RAMMS+EIN

Last ate: Some stuff my mom made for dinner. Oh, and a Getrude Hawk Peppermint Patty. Godly, I tell you.

Last round of masturbation: Last night. For the second time in a row, I masturbated using only the skin on my weiner. You know, the way I’m supposed to masturbate. Alas, I have a deficiency in the amount of shaft skin. Circumcision and all. In time… in time…

Entry Start Time: 5:34 PM

Based on Esther’s “Senses”.

Not necessarily this day, but for the past couple years, stuff has happened around this time in July. It’s the middle of summer. Stuff should happen, you know? Three years ago, I met Rach. Around that day, maybe that same day, I met Arizona’s incredibly hot sister. Blame Ziggy for the crackpot idea to go visit her (and him) in Arizona. (My TimmyNames are aptly named, you know.) Two years ago, I was gearing up for a visit to Minnesota. This was right before I left, and I propositioned Miami about meeting her. And having meaningless oral sex. We eventually agreed that oral sex would be too much and settled on just meeting. One year ago, it was around this time that I got my internet back. Three weeks (or was it four?) weeks of no internet. On June 26, our internet went out. (A year after I had graduated, to the day. Amusing, eh?) On July 1st, 2002, we moved her. We tried setting up DSL, but I just couldn’t get it to work. So, back to dialup we went. Wendi said me and mom dealt with internetlessness very well. Skunkie got her internet back the day after, I remember…

This year’s event? Well, aside from an all-over great summer, Grunge’s birthday is coming up. Third birthday of the group so far this summer. My birthday is coming up in a month. We probably won’t do anything special. For Grunge’s birthday. Well, unless he wants to. We never do anything special for our birthdays. Just whatever we normally do. Except for the whole Dorney Park thing General’s parent’s did for his birthday. But, that was also because he graduated and stuff.

I saw General Disk Error online last night. I’ll just assume Kivudet and Grunge made it back from Maine alive. I haven’t bothered asking how it went.

Have I really been out of High School for two years already? I did take note of the two year anniversary of my graduation. The only word for graduation was surreal. I didn’t feel like I was really there. It was like, “Okay. I’m done. No more.” As I predicted, I’ve grown in ways I never could have predicted. Ha ha. Predict the unpredictable, thereby making it predictable. But, I suppose that’s the way of a Timmy. To be predictably unpredictable. You know something’s coming, but you don’t know what.

If there one word to describe me, it’s “free”. I don’t think I ever sat down I decided I’d be this way. It’s just how I’ve ended up. After Angel dumped me, I became more flamboyant. I’m not saying she’s what did it, but merely stating an observation. I wanted attention. And, I got it. I tried toning it down Senior Year, but I found that people expected me to be a certain way, and encouraged me to be weird. Just like Wendi said.

So, how have I changed? Don’t know, don’t care. *laughs* I’ve noticed I only look for how I’ve changed when things are bad. Life is good. I’m happy. I don’t think I’ve stated that in a while. I’m incredibly happy. I haven’t had a bad vibe since I got a job. Just chugging along. I feel like I’ve been fire for a loooooooong time, as far as writing goes. I used to write every other day, in order to maximize notes. I have more two-entry days now than I ever used to. And to think, at one point, I thought I’d run out of things to say. Once you stop trying to find the meaning of life, your options really open up.

I thought I knew what free was. It was an image I presented to people in High School. That “nothing can worry me” feeling. I remember when people could insult me. Then I just started agreeing and went with it. “Tim, you’re a woman.” “Only on Tuesdays.” Silva. *laughs* Oh man, I miss that kid. He rode me as all friends ride each other. And believe me: I looked forward to Tuesdays.

I did stupid little things which nobody else did. I cracked open the back of the van and blasted tunes. I ran around with no shirt on. I ran through the sprinklers in gym, and purposely soaked my hair. I can still talk in a relatively high voice. You call that free? Well, maybe that’s just what people saw of me. I know one thing I couldn’t do then that I can do now: I can look people straight in the eye and say “I am a homosexual.” *laughs* I’m not gay. It’s just fun to entertain the possibility. I seriously can not see what’s so appealing about the male body. Well, except for my own. *struts*

In the moment. I am in the moment. I’m not thinking about last semester at all. This upcoming semester is the furthest thing from my mind. All I care about is making myself happy right now. I tend to favor hedonism. I use the word in the sense that we should all do whatever makes us happy. And that can include doing unpleasurable things with a greater goal in mind. My sex drive has been down this summer. I’m amused. The only time of year I can really masturbate excessively, and my penis is asleep! One side effect I’ve noticed is that I’ve been having a harder time falling asleep. Two nights ago, I had to resort to using Underworld to fall asleep. I went to bed at 1 AM. I ended up falling sleep around 4 AM, when I had to get up at 6:20 AM. Techno never fails.

I remember that time two summers ago when I masturbated two times a day for two weeks. Hot damn, that was nice. It was early-mid August, I remember. *smiles*

I suppose I’ve gotten used to living here. Home is where you masturbate the most, and I’ve gotten quite used to masturbating in this room. (Though, we all know how often I masturbate in the dorm.) The funny thing is that I haven’t been using my anal toys at all. I last used Edmund in May. Nevermind the fact that my sex drive is down. It’s a matter of I have to clean them after every use. It’s much more convenient to just use my left hand.

But, I can’t drive by my old street without feeling a tinge of homesickness.

Two years ago, I was scared shitless about going into college. And two years from now, I’ll undoubtedly be scared shitless about getting a real job. (Unless I attend graduate school. Then I can postpone that scared shitless-ness for another two yeras.) I like what I said to Kelso about this.

I don’t buy into the belief that we just die after we graduate. Or get married. Or have kids. No, never. You’ll have to poke me with a couple thousand sharp sticks before you’ll kill Timmy’s spirit.

Which was basically the point of this entry.

OD will be down at 9 PM tonight for maintenance. People mock this, but I see it as a sign that somebody’s home. I love you, Bruce.