The Search For Bang Bang, Part II

Status Report

Wearing: DARE shirt. As in “Donuts Are Real Expensive.”

WinAmp is playing: Laichzeit – RAMMS+EIN

Last ate: Leftover Blimpie for lunch.

Last round of masturbation: Last night. Or, depending on how you look at it, really early this morning. I couldn’t sleep, so I masturbated. Works every time.

Entry Start Time: 5:03 PM

Based on Esther’s “Senses”.

I was driving home as I always do. I had already decided not to visit Bang Bang today, as I had neglected to bring my digital camera. AGAIN. As I’m passing the street I’d need to turn off of to get to Bang Bang’s house, I notice a cop behind me. I wonder if he’ll pull me over. Lights go on. I’m so used to this I don’t even flinch or get an adreneline rush.

But wait, Timmy, why did he pull you over?

He askes me if I know why he pulled me over. Me, being the honest person I am said, “Did I run a stop sign?” Let’s back up about 500 feet. There’s this one intersection I go through a lot. I’d call it a T, but the angles of the roads to each other are pretty even, except for the inclines. When you’re going the other way, it looks like the road is supposed to go right. And the way I was going, it’s the same deal. I slowed down to check for traffic. Another car. Um. I slowed down. He slowed down but didn’t stop. I was so far into the intersection that I just kept going.

Turns out there’s an stop sign that. I swear, I’ve been through there a couple signs, and I’ve NEVER seen a stop sign. I wonder, have I ran that stop sign every time I’ve been through there? Only a matter of time before these small-town cops got me. I was kinda hoping it would have been the cop that tried helping me on Monday. Not to be.

I intend to see what I can do to fight this, so to speak. I’ll pull a Matlock and take pictures of the intersection, in an attempt to prove that I really couldn’t see the stop sign. I’m usually observant. But, truth be told, I’m more interesting in keeping my eyes on the road and traffic than searching the bushes for stop signs. I’m a good driver, I swear. I don’t tailgate. I tend to baby both the accelerator and the brakes. I hate sudden stops, so I tend to anticipate and give myself a good stopping distance. I base it entirely on how much I can see ahead of me. New Jersey forces you to be a good driver, if not a skilled driver.

This serves as a bad omen. Two bad things have happened in the town of.. *smirks* Where Bang Bang Bruce lives. Superstition would say I should avoid meeting him. Law of averages says something good should happen. I say neither. Average is a statistic, and superstition is all in your head. It made me think. If I had chosen to visit Bang Bang and made that (I think right) turn, where would I have told the cop I was going? *laughs*

Oh, and yes, I got a ticket for 78 bucks. Hence me wanting to fight it.

…Blah, my dad doesn’t seem to understand the meaning of “I’m writing something.” Silly human.

…I seem to be getting a lot of notes. *smirks* I’m on pace to break 5000 before my birthday, a much faster notepace than during my Original Formula Open Diary run. Since I passed 4000, let’s review some notable notes.

The following represents a mere fraction of what I had originally picked out. There were so many noteworthy notes, I felt complelled to throw the original list on my webspace. Enjoy.

Yay for Fat People!
i think this might be the best entry i’ve ever read in my life. [she_falls] 5/25/2003 9:56:25 PM

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Yay for Fat People!
I love you.

:o) [A Beautiful Mess]
5/25/2003 10:50:11 PM

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Yay for Fat People!
Wow… I also love you! [Drama]
5/25/2003 11:37:36 PM

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Yay for Fat People!
You make me happy, oh so happy… 😀 [Hazelnut Coffee]
5/25/2003 11:58:43 PM

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Yay for Fat People!
Oh! Bless your cotton socks! So nice to find people who are real.
[MelonCholera] 5/26/2003 12:01:35 AM

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Yay for Fat People!
I want to clone you.
[CrazyDreams] 5/26/2003 5:09:09 PM

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Number of girls, between FOD and OD+, who have pledged their love for Timmy on his Yay For Fat People! entry:Seven
And that doesn’t include girls who offered to marry me, clone me, or otherwise enjoyed the entry.

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A ‘Brief’ History of Timmy, Part VI
Ok, so yeah, I don’t think I have the willpower to write out all of this kind of stuff either. I’d be like – “I wore khaki pants and a blue shirt EVERY FUCKING DAY for 9 years……..9 fucking years…”

Catholic school kid here, remember. THAT could be a topic in itself. [dawgpound]
5/26/2003 7:06:39 PM

Poor BIGGAYDAN. : (

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A ‘Brief’ History of Timmy, Part XIV
Holy Moses. I can’t believe I just read the whole 14 parter. My family has been neglected as I was drawn in by this. I read you a while ago on random, an entry about Pussism. I came across you again a few weeks ago, read an entry, and put you in faves, but never made it back. I am back. And I read your life. I don’t want a cookie, just wanted to say, “Interesting. Very interesting.” I’ll be back. [BeyondBoredom]
6/1/2003 7:36:17 PM

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Kelly has boobs.
Oh my God. Where the fuck have I been?! This entry is about my boobs!!!

LORI HAS BOOBS TOO!

[Kelly]
6/9/2003 6:41:22 PM

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Timmy For Hire.
I love boners. They really amaze me. How big they can get, and the color changes, and the way they feel when you touch them, and how soft they are, and the way they jump. I love when a man makes his dick jump when its inside of me.

[Kelly]
6/12/2003 8:54:21 PM

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Name My Soon-To-Be-Purchased Rubber Vagina!
You’re going to the wrong sex shops there, buddy. The one I used to work at had a giant wall of “sleeves” as we called them. They’re great fun to play with, even if you don’t have a penis.
Now you’re making me think about buying a new vibrator.

[Soliloquy]
6/18/2003 12:27:23 AM

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A Hairy Double Standard
I’m so glad you like girls. =) We are cool.
From this entry, you like girls exactly as we are. [shimmers]
6/22/2003 12:41:16 AM

Very good. I love girls.

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Dear Princess,
*retch*

Timmy, get your jiggly ass out of Hallmark-land. You’re a lot cooler when you’re setting people on fire and casting them out of the temple. [Zombywoof]
6/23/2003 12:53:04 AM

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Morality and Me Redux.Sexually deviant doesn’t mean not a moral person. It just means a wacked out person. And since you’re a virgin still, I’d have to go with “extremely moral.” But who am I to say?

<3

[The Vampire Pandora]
7/10/2003 10:04:54 PM

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I have a digital camera. Note your requests here.
Your wiggly-giggly buttocks is certainly showing up all over open diary.

😉

It should become the official OD mascot, IMO.

[Gattaca]
7/12/2003 12:47:09 PM

And, of course, the 4000th note:

KKK To Hold First Ever ‘Nigger Roast’
I imagine she did not care for the comment I originally wrote here. Tsk.

[Gattaca]
7/13/2003 8:29:33 PM