The Search For BIGGAYDAN’s Foreskin, Part I

“Have you ever considered how much less of a penis you have?”

BIGGAYDAN broke the kiss with his INSANELYHOTGIRLFRIEND. Her hand was down his pants, gently fondling his GIANTMANCOCK. He looked at her rather dumbfounded.

“..What?”

“You know, if you had that skin, you’d have more of a penis.”

“Bullshit, my penis is whole as it is.”

His INSANELYHOTGIRLFRIEND took her hand out of his pants and chuckled.

“I think you’d change your tune if the head was removed.”

“That’s totally different. Look, can we not talk about this, you’ve killed the mood.”

“Well, whatever. Sorry I bought it up.”

*****

That evening…..

“Why did you drag me to a Chinese place for dinner, anyway?”

“Because I’m the one in the relationship with PERFECTLYROUNDBOOBIES. Oh, and I’m menstruating. You know not to argue with me when I’m on the rag.”

“Oh. Yeah.”

“Look, BIGGAYDAN, have a fortune cookie.”

She takes one of the two fortune cookies sitting in the center of the table and scoots it over the BIGGAYDAN. He cracks it open, lets the paper fall out and eats the cookies. He takes a look at the paper and reads it aloud.

“You will go in search of something you lost a long time ago.”

“Maybe it means your dick.” She laughs.

“HEY, I HAVE ALL OF MY DICK RIGHT HERE IN MY PANTS!!” This gets the attention of the restaurants more conservative patrons. BIGGAYDAN sinks in his seat as he notices people turning to look at him. He tries to relax and take a sip of his drink.

His INSANELYHOTGIRLFRIEND smiles and bounces in her chair. “Let’s go find your foreskin.”

BIGGAYDAN nearly spits out his drink. “What?!”

“Yeah! It’ll be like a treasure hunt.”

“You’re out of your mind. It’s probably completely decomposed by now!”

“How do you know? You’re BIGGAYDAN. Maybe some doctor took it and has it floating in a jar somewhere.”

“I refuse to agree to this.”

“Excuse me? Who’s uterus is sloughing off it’s lining?”

“Um. Yours, dear.”

“Now, we’re going to find your fucking foreskin, whether you like it or not. You wouldn’t want me to get moody, now would we?”

“No, dear.” BIGGAYDAN gulps nervously. I really don’t like where this is heading…

“Now. I suppose the first place to start would be the hospital you were born at…”

*****

“Yeah, hi, I’m looking for the rest of my boyfriend’s dick?”

The receptionist wasn’t exactly paying attention, and could only blink a few times at the question posed to her. BIGGAYDAN and his INSANELYHOTGIRLFRIEND made their way to the hospital where he was born. And where he parted with some of his penis. The receptionist coughed.

“Um, excuse me?”

“Have you seen the rest of my boyfriend’s dick?”

BIGGAYDAN fidgeted nervously.

“Why I never in all my years…”

“Lady, lady, relax, I’m not asking that. I want information on what happens to the foreskin after it’s snipped off from baby boys.”

“Why in the world would you want to know something like that?”

His INSANELYHOTGIRLFRIEND leaned down to where the receptionist was sitting. “Lady, I’m menstruating. If you don’t…”

The receptionist laughed and put an unlabeled bottle on the counter. “Have some of these. It won’t get rid of your period, but I’ve never had cramps while taking them.”

His INSANELYHOTGIRLFRIEND shrugged and popped one into her mouth and swallowed.

“I gotta warn you though, it has some rather off side effects. Your boobies will grow one size, you’ll find yourself horny and craving the genitalia of the sex you prefer. Oh, and your pubic hair will fall out.”

“Wait, those are bad things?”

“Hey, some girls like being flat, celibate, and hairy.”

His INSANELYHOTGIRLFRIEND pauses and shook her head, remembering why she was there.

“You must know something that can help us. Do they just toss it in the trash?”

“Hell if I know, I’m just the receptionist.”

“But. See, my boyfriend is BIGGAYDAN, I was wonder…”

“BIGGAYDAN?!! THE BIGGAYDAN?!!” She looks at BIGGAYDAN for a moment, oogling him. “I can’t believe I didn’t notice it before. It was only a matter of time before he’d come. I.. I.. I’ll get the doctor.” She frantically gets up from her chair and races off.

BIGGAYDAN sighs. “Okay, now I really don’t like where this is going.”

His INSANELYHOTGIRLFRIEND giggles and hugs him. “See, I told you. Maybe it is sitting in a jar somewhere.”

They notice a man walking rather quickly towards them. He has short hair with some signs of grey on the side, and his cleanly shaved. He looks to be in his 50’s, but in good shape.

“OMGBIGGAYDAN!”

BIGGAYDAN signs. “Does everybody have to call me that?”

“But. You are just as I imagined you. So Big. So Gay. So Dan. But of course you are as such, it’s impossible for you to be any other way. Come, BIGGAYDAN, there is much to tell you. Bring your transgendered friend.”

“EXCUSE ME?!!”

“Miss, it’s clear BIGGAYDAN is incapable of loving something that isn’t male. I know you have a GIANTMANCOCK in your pants.”

“No, I have a bleeding pussy, thank you very much. Want me to menstruate on your leg?”

The Doctor paused. “I’d.. rather you didn’t. I’ll figure this out later. Come, children.”

They walked to an elevator. Taking out a key, the doctor opened a secret panel on the elevator, and pushed a button. They watched the floor indicator go down. Until it was below what was supposedly the lowest level. They continued downward until the elevator came to a comfortable stop and the doors openned. They stepped out to what seemed to be just another hospital floor. BIGGAYDAN had the strange feeling like everything was extra-white. They entered an open white room. As he looked out into it, he could barely tell where the room ended.