Watching the cycle.

Fear. Emotional repression , procrastination. Feigned inspiration, self-sabotage. Anger. Collapse.

I’m in the kind of mood where I want to start a fight with anybody that tries to help me. Hell, I’ll start a fight with anybody, period.

I fear collapsing into chaos where I destroy any chance of doing those things I’m scared of doing (but want to do). This is definitely a day to be marked with a frown face.

*steps back to fighting stance* Come on, put em up, put em up…. I love you. I’m having a stressful day, too, so I’m not going to tell you to just shake it off. Tomorrow will be a better day for both of us, ok? This too shall pass.

it’s not even that, though. i’m twenty-seven years old. i want my LIFE. i don’t want to hang out with some youngster whose hardest decision is which dealer to get his weed from this week. i want the real thing. i want a home, and a family, and LIFE. and i do not personally feel that someone who’s barely figured out what HE wants out of life can help me find those things. *more*

at 22, i couldn’t even do it for myself – and i was way mature for 22. i just didn’t KNOW yet. and i’m not really interested in being someone’s experiment. i will have to teach whomever i end up with the things about ME that he needs to know, but i don’t want to be the one you try things out on – is THIS what it’s like to have a woman? i want to be TREATED like a woman right off the bat.

his level of maturity? yeah. non-existent. and i’m just not interested in that.

Naked Space

December 12, 2005

Oh dear. I’m sorry you’re having trouble. I have trouble with motivation and procrastination and self-torture sometimes. If it helps at all, you can fight with me. ::insults your mother::

I’m late, Timmy. But I hope you’re feeling better.