Dust in the Wind

I close my eyes,
Only for a moment and the moment’s gone.
All my dreams,
Pass before my eyes a curiosity.
Dust in the Wind.
All they are is dust in the wind.

That was playing this morning as I was pulling freight from the floor. It got me thinking.

I said there would be good times and bad times, and I had some bad ones this morning after I got to work. It wasn’t pain so much as it was sadness and some regret. I worked through it, though. I was OK by the time I got to my break and checked the site and realized you were having a pretty bad day yourself. I’m sorry. I know I’ve made the offer before, but if you ever want to talk, I’ll sit there and listen. I won’t try to fix things, I won’t try to tell you you’re better off, I’ll just listen. And yes I’ve read "Men Are From Mars…"

Still working on things. I got more than a little pushy with the schedule change conversation today. I knew I was doing it and couldn’t make myself stop. I’m sorry.

Try to get some good sleep tonight, and I’ll see you for lunch tomorrow. Unless you change your mind.

I forgot I’ve got some extra time on this check so I’ll buy lunch unless you really want to pay for yours. I mean we’re talking Taco Bell here, it’s not really an extravagance, and I’ve bought Amanda lunch there too, so it’s not a thing, you know?

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Who are you talking to? You sound like you’re talking to a specific someone.

You’re very sweet…but I do know, I’m probably the luckiest girl in the world to have random strangers give me some of the kindest advice I’ve recieved in years. I deleted ‘Ergh’ because it reminded me too much of ‘Ana’. I’ve battled with anorexia before and the screaming voices are too much. I’m thinking of just admitting the whole thing and giving her up. It’s been too long.

Personally, my BMI says I’m moderately overweight. My goal weight would technically stand as ‘anorexic’ on the BMI scale. But that really is my goal. To be thin, to be perfect. TO be anorexic.

July 27, 2006

yeah he’s talking to me and i know it but you didn’t till now… so yeah, have a good day!!!