Long time No See
In just under a month and a half I have had so much “bad” stuff happen! Going from a dad that had his family held together pretty tight and being an all around great guy to Being on the edge of losing everything. I like many others Suffer from a lil thing called “addiction” I had everything I needed here at home; One would think anyway. I had my kids, My animals, My PC game I played every evening without fail Yet One little phone call changed it all for me. It was an old friend that needed help on his girlfriends car. First thought nothing bad right? So ya think.. I go over and help him out and as I pack my tools away he throws me a lil package that was folded up.. I should have known.. I said man I Haven’t messed around in forever An he says be careful Its Raw Stuff.. smh.. If I was working the program like I had a few years back I’d have never even put myself in that situation… A little to late.. The sad part is I put that pack up on the shelf for 2 days before even trying it.. Thinking oh I got this.. Just that little bit wont hurt! Wrong.. Almost dead wrong.. It instantly took me away From everything I loved most.. Within 2 weeks I was up to almost $400 a day habit again.. Horrible I know and secondly where or how do you get that kind of money? Well Lets say since I’ve lived in active addiction most of my life I learned many side hustles to maintain and all are based on my knowledge of mechanics an being a jack of all trades. So making money just Comes right to me naturally. Anyways that dark path only lasted a few weeks before I stopped and said to myself “wake up” You are going to lose everything again! My #1 fear is losing my family, home, truck, everything I’ve worked hard to get back after my last run… I had 5 1/2 yrs sober up until last Feb. I went on a bender for a couple of months. lived out of my truck and wasn’t aloud to come home to my kids So I went to rehab and held it together for almost another yr before relapsing again this past month.. I never felt this strong about quitting before.. Ever… There was always a part of me that thought I could handle it if it ever presented itself to me but now I know I’ll never be fine.. I’ll just use the hate I have for it now to fuel my day to day sobriety.. I’ll forever stick to working the AA Program because its the only thing that works for me. I now think of staying sober soon as I wake up every single day and I remind myself why that is! I believe My higher power The God Almighty Has better plans for me than I did for myself.. I shouldn’t be alive today an that is a fact.. I have been to the brink of death more times than I can count yet I am still here.. I have watched many people pass yet I remain. Sometimes I actually feel bad for some peoples families because why did their loved ones have to die when they wasn’t no where near as bad as me.. They did not deserve it especially when there is worse people like myself that would have taken their place in a heart beat… When you are in that dark place You no longer care for life period or any life for that matter.. That is why most addicts walk away from family and friends so easily because that person you once knew no longer exist. Its a shell of them… Now very deep down they are still there if they are strong enough to bring themselves to the light an wake up! I am now very grateful .. Back then I was not.. I am now scared of that life and all the darkness it brings.. I am now over a month back And things are going great for me.. Even one my bad days Doesn’t even compare to one great high day in addiction.. I just wanted to write ya’ll an give a little piece of my story.. If you know someone who is struggling Help them out. Talk to them about coming back to reality. Let them know it only hurts for a few days then everything becomes a lot brighter! They will have everything they need to make it if only they want it..