I never thought this day would come.

 Ara, if I get this posted before the end of the 13th, it means that the ‘rents haven’t turned off the internet yet. Until they do, I plan to write.

I am finally ready to talk about Nina leaving.

She leaves late summer, I believe, to go off to college. I am most obviously going to miss her. I am probably not going to see her again until we are both finished with college. Sure, that sounds like an extremely overreacting statement, but I promise I am not joking. You see, I usually only see Nina during school nowadays. Her mother has her babysitting her brother at any possible non-school day moment. When we are on any break longer than three days, they all go out to visit the grandparents. It has already been said that when Nina comes home for holidays, that’s where they’ll be. Then when I start college, hopefully far away from here, and I come home for holidays, my mother will no doubt ensure that I have no free moment to myself. Besides, even if I did, Nina would be with her grandparents. It sucks.

I am afraid, though, of our friendship deteriorating. It has gradually pulled apart and grown together and pulled apart a lot over the years, but this is just flat out scary. I do NOT want to lose her. Mom suggested I apply to the school she’s going to, but I have talked to Nina and she and I agree that it would ruin our chance at a decent amount of freedom from each other. The freedom part I have no issues with, but what happens when I start to need her? What do I do when I feel like I have no one else? What if she meets someone better than me? What if she realizes how much I have actually been holding her back? What if we work in totally different states and I never see her again? What if she starts to think that our friendship is falling apart or something? What if she starts to forget me?

And then I have the not-what-ifs. I will not be able to run to my best friend when I need her. I will not see her for a very long time. I will not know what to do without her. She will change a lot. I will change a lot. We will become very different people. She will see me differently. She will take the distance and time to mean that we are not as close in friendship, like she has before. I will start forcing myself to completely forget her out of fear. I will be so alone.

I have more fears about her leaving, but I feel as though I’m being overly dramatic about the situation so I will leave it at that.