READ THE OTHER ONE FIRST!!

Alright i am assuming if you are here you have read my man it feels like ages entry and want to know about what happened between Alan and I.  if not escape while you still can before the drama is about to begin.

In Febuary of 2004 I flew to London.  It was amazing I had never flown before and I loved it.  I got a horrible nose bleed on the flight over though because i had been very sick before leaving.  So when I went through customs in England I had blood on my white peasents top shirt.  I had a hard time getting through customs.  They drilled me about a lot of things I basicly looked like a cracked out american and I don’t blame them one bit.  when i finally got through customs and out of the gate there was Alan and he had never looked better to me then he did at that moment.  We got on a bus to Oxford and i fell asleep with my head on his shoulder.  We got to his brothers house in Whitney (a suburb of Oxford) and i slept for a while then his brother drove us to Gloucester where Alan lived and i slept some more.  Alan took me around his tiny town that night and it was so beautiful the catherdral is where harry potter was filmed so i was so excited to see it and there is nothing more romantic then walking about england at night with someone you are madly in love with.  The next day we explored Gloucester in the light of day. and I finally got inside the Catherdral it was beautiful I will have to post photo’s. 

The day after that Alan’s father Rex came to get us and take us to his house for lunch.  Alan’s mother had died 3 years previous of cancer and his father had been remarried about a year to a women named Joy.  Now Rex and Joy were proper english people and things were former.  I had never realized how course Americans were until i met them.  They set us on a leather sofa int heir formal living room and i had to fart so bad but i had to hold it.   we had tea and biscuits (cookies) and they were shocked when Alan told them i prefered coffee so they made me coffee.  then we went to Twooksbury which is very close to wales.  It was flooded there and Joy and I walked together because she had been raised there and she showed me around and told me many stories it was facisinating to listen to her and we were getting along amazingly well the men were walking ahead trying to hurry us.  We went to the Abbey there and it was also gorgeous.  Then we went back to their Flat for gammon which is ham steaks. we also had cabbage and potatos.  we talked over dinner and thats when it all began.  Joy told us first of a women she knew who’s daughter had tried to marry an american and what a terrible time they were having that neither country would take them and that it was so hard for them to get jobs she couldnt find work in american and he couldn’t get hired in england and all of the prejudice that was going on.  (this was not long after things had started getting really hairy in the middle east with Iraqi and Afghanistan and so many of the british blamed the war on the US and when i spoke sometimes in pubs i would get looks so i saw where she was coming from.  It wasn’t outright her telling us it wouldn’t work it was a womans way of meddling I don’t think Alan even noticed.  We then printed out directions to our hotel in london and went back to glouicester. 

I dozzed off while alan was playing video games we were supossed to go ou that night with his friend Eddie so i was napping before i got ready and i started crying in my sleep.  Alan woke me up and asked me what was wrong.  I had had a nightmare that we were the couple joy was talking about and i just blurted out all upset that this was never going to work between us and that set alan off.  I couldn’t explain what was going on in my head and when i tried it came out all wrong.  He thought i was trying to break up with him and all i wanted was some comforting.  things went down hill from there. we started knit picking at each other.  He stopped walking next to me and walked in front of me. we would go out and he didn’t have fun.  I was uncomfortable and the whole thing was akward.  it only got worse when he introduced me to his friend Steph who i had talked to and while steph is there he shows us a both a picture of these two women Alan works with who were ALL OVER HIM in the picture and i was mad about it but i didn’t say anything he had shown me in front of someone on purpose

We took the train to Whitney to stay with his brother on our way to London and as we were getting on the train i fell and he didn’t notice some stranger had to help me up i almost missed the train and that night Alan’s brother Stewart and his girlfriend Alica took us out to this pub called the Boot Inn  it was fabulous and we had so much fun but Stewart bought a bottle of wine and kept pushing it on it.  it was very strong and wine makes me snore so when we went to bed that night alan got mad at me cause iw as a snoring and he couldn’t sleep. we got in a huge fight and everything that had been under the surface came out and I told him i felt like hwe didn’t want me here and i didn’t feel like he was begin faithful and what was that picture of him and teresa and mary about.  And that I was so alone here and he couldn’t even walk next to me he hadn’t even noticed i was gone when i fell and all i wanted when i came was to spend time with him but it seemed like he couldn’t wait to get rid of me and i was going to take the train to Gatwick int he morning and move my flight up so i could leave!  He cried and he told me he was so sorry that he loved me so much and he held me the rest of the night and he kept whispering over and over "i need you soo much god i need you so much please don’t leave me please don’t leave me"

when we got to london things went downhill.  He went down to the hotel lobby once when he thought i was asleep and i followed him and saw him on the phone with someone i went back up the room and he was gone for over an hour!  then when i got to the airport he didn’t see, upset i was leaving in fact as i waited to go through security till the last second he went into a shop to look at the magizines!!  And when i left to go through security the last time I saw him he said  "I love you so much but I hate you too"

and it made sense to me. 

when i got him he wouldn’t return my calls and then he e-mailed me tell me it was over.  I didn’t hear from him for over a year and now he is back trying to get back together with me and i don’t know what i should do.

Also the october after i got home i went for a pap and came back with an genital warts.   now i had a planter wart when i was like  14 and they say it is a virus and comes back with stress so i don’t know it was that virius but i told alan he had giving me something he said he was tested and was fine but he like most birtish is uncircumsized and the rate of STD transferral is higher with uncircumsized although they are less likely to come down with it themselves.  so that is also in the mix.

p.s.  i am fine everything was taken care of i am not contagious or anythin

g it’s all gone