Why does this happen to me!?!?
As you know I am dating jason now and not altogether happy qwith the experiance thus far. I don’t feel anything for him. Nothing it wouldn’t bother me to see him tomorrow but it also wouldn’t bother me if i never saw him again.
so….
Alan texted me last night….he is nothing but sweet words and heartfelt sounding ideas anymore….let me share the entire txt conversation with you….
I txted alan last weekend to tell him I had just eaten a wendy’s mushroom chedder melt and thought of him because he loves those thing
me: I just ate a wendy’s mushroom chddr melt and thought of you
him (responding last night he forgets to buy time for his cell so sometimes he runs out of time and can’t respond) : you thought about me eating wendy’s I think of you each day i still love you very much I’d really like to visit you again.
me: I think about you a lot too. I miss you, i think of things i want to tell you but your not there. I used to want to burrow into your skin and be a part if you
him: I got you under my skin always . pls email me Can I come see u? Do you wanna talk sometime? pls txt back I do love you megan i shud never have let u go. I wish i wish you were here so much Ive changed a lot since you left but my feels are the same now as when i was in ur room that 1st night with you in my arms. i’d marry you 2morrow & have kids with u next week given half a chance. id do anything 2have u back in my life 4good (this was one continuious thought but took up 4 txt’s)
me: I wish i was there 2 i am so sick i would love 2 b curled up on your couch watching TV with you and you know you wouldn’t marry me don’t tease a grrl like that.
him: is there a chance for us? would u ever consider come here or meeting me somewhere?
him: (replying to marriage comment) i would i promise would you come back to see me sometime?
me: you keep talking marriage and i might swim to england
him: my borhter has invitied me to his christmas you culd be with me 2 we are going to france the 27th to work on their house there will you come back and see me for a while? I am asking you over. what do ya say?
me: the 27th of december? they wouldn’t want me crashing their holiday!
him: they wouldn’t mind if it was any kind of prob we could stay at my place will u serious think about it? we could spend time alone instead
me: i will look into ticket pricing tomorrow. i want this so much between us it just feels right no one else makes me feel like u do
him: ok let me know either way i love you very much . going to sleep now (it was 11 here so 4 am there)
I am a horrible person in a relationship any still dreaming of my x and falling in love all over again for him. I am a horrible person and now i have to go to a halloween party with Jason tonight and act like a couple and see his mom sunday and the whole time i am thinking of christmasing in france with Alan and his family!!! GOD I AM A HORRIBLE PERSON. Help me!!!!
what and I supposed to do? Go to the man who broke my heart and i still love or stay with the man who treats me like a queen is definatly emotionally invested in me i am pretty sure wants to marry me eventually but who i feel numb about right now but who i might grow to love given time?