Life

These days it sucks!!  My bank says I went over what I had in my bank account and went into the negatives and starting charging me fees for it, which absolutly destroyed my paycheck for this week.  This frutrated the Hell outa me when I found out about it, but my parents are seriously helping me out so that’s good and bad.  Good because I need the help and the money, bad because I don’t like borrowing money because of my serious pride issue, but sometimes ya gotta do whatcha gotta do to survive ya know. 

Holly told me something rather disturbing about her past lastnight, this set me off something fierce, I have had enough of this dude she keeps tellin me about and I’m ready to explode!  This guy has put her through so much pain over the years physically, mentally, emotionally.  He’s torn her apart and she expects me to just sit aside and do nothing about it.  I can’t get into too many details but let’s just say the guy deserves serious payback. 

My unit is in Germany right now for training, I could not go because it would have taken me away from school for three weeks, plus I’m not AIT or MOS qualified, however you would like to put it.  It sucks because that not only would have been a nice trip, but I would have made a butt load of money by going also.

I played basketball Tuesday night in Winchester like I said I was going to do.  I wound up getting busted in the lip, only this time it was my upper lip.  What is it with people and busting my lips while playing basketball.  It’s getting to be a real annoyance. 🙂 

If u’ve read through my diary a bit before then u may remember when I mentioned how Holly is moving back to Texas this summer and leaving me behind.  Well I had also mentioned how I think it’s best for her that she goes and that she doesn’t stay here just for me, plus she really wants to go back.  I have just started to realize how seriously I’m going to miss her.  I’ll still get to talk on the phone with her and see her just about every holiday, but it still won’t be the same.  I’m not sure I’m ready to say that I truly have fallen in love with her yet but I can say I’m in the process of doing so, that much is for certain.  It’s gotten to where I can’t go a single day without wondering where she is, and what she’s doing, and if she’s alright.  I worry about her all the time, so much so that it gives me pains in my stomach.  I want to spend just about every waking moment of everyday with her, even if we’re not doing anything but talking or lying together in each others arms.  I just love being around her and listening to her voice that soothes me so.  Just the thought of anyone hurting her sends a blind rage through my body that is beyond imagineable.  In a 3 month timespan she’s gone from being someone I cared about and was just attracted to to being this huge part of my life.  In fact it seems like she is my life, or at least my soul purpose in life, that is to provide for her anyways, be there for her.  I love her, or at least it feels that way, I’m not sure though, because I’ve never felt love before, at least not real love.  Puppy love is totally not the same.    She is absolutely the most beautiful girl I’ve ever laid two eyes on.  Looking into her eyes just lights an everlasting fire of passion in me that I just cannot truly describe with mere words.  She’s so fragile yet so strong in spirit.  She cares about me so much.  She always talks about how she’s ready to marry me and how she can’t wait because it’s gonna be so great, etc, etc.  She’s always talking about how she wants to have my children, and spend the rest of her life trying her damndest to make me happy.  Now what on Earth did I do to deserve her?  This is definitly a good question that needs to be answered.  I just can’t see myself without her now, but it’s too late, she’s already made plans and she’s going to be going in August.  And I can’t follow her, at least not yet.  She says it’ll be good for our relationship because of how I’m military and we’re going to have to get used to being away from each other a lot due to the requirements of my job.  Which is true, but still it hurts so much, but I guess that’s life.  Life, it’s so frustrating isn’t it?