Am I just ungrateful?

Hi Diary,

I’m tired, burn out, exhausted.

As much as I wanted to be positive but when I look up everyone, they seem to be doing well good in life! Well, maybe at least for the sake of social media.

I  no longer have a friend whom I can confide in my secrets. I trusted someone once and I got bitten by the harsh reality of betrayal.

Still, get haunted for the mistakes I made. With questions, what if I can turn back time, what if I have chosen differently.

Right now, I  am feeling lost, just like an unmoored ship. I seem to have lost my touch on everything.I wanna reach out to someone, a virtual friend perhaps, someone with who I can connect and share the same kind of sparks intellectually?

I have so many what “ifs”. I have so many things I wanted to do, I am embarrassed, shattered but I’m feigning all it with the strong, independent,  or smiles, every day, people around me and on social media. The truth is I am empty.

There is a friend on Facebook whom I have envy her life so much. A good husband who supported her, a house, a car- it seems like her life is all perfect and she had figured it all out. When  I am on the other hand, just trying to get back from a failure. I don’t know if this was meant to happen, but I am 30 now and feeling I haven’t achieved anything. My husband lacks the drive to succeed, I’m tired of supporting the entire household. Ensuring all bills are paid, sacrificing my sleep so everyone gets sleep and gets fed. I need someone to understand and connect with me so badly.