peeking…

of a time when dreams were real.. tangible and within reach.. the taste of a kiss was one that lingered.. the reverie subtle, warm.. yet bold and brazen.. searing the flesh in marking and the wink of an eye to bring it to surface in all its glory…

i am not sure what i’m chasing anymore. rainbows are still colorful in their vibrancy.. there is still that ethereal glow that is seen.. shimmying in its weave in its reflection like that of still waters.. the glassy surface almost untouchable.. porcelain appearance yet elegant in showing…

perhaps the confusion stems from my inability to focus.. or maybe its caused by the demons that continue to chase me in the night.. i become tangled in the bed linens and often times find myself sitting upright gasping for air…

there is still a distance to be travelled, yet i am frightened in continuing.. facing the unknown has never been one of my strongest points.. however, the imagination i have which allows me to see, causes me to weep at times for things that will never be..

i often wonder if perhaps i am too much of a romantic.. too sensitive in feeling.. i still find myself crying for no reason at different times, sinking low then soaring high.. the heart races and that rush of adrenaline moves through me causing me to gasp..

i think lucidly at times.. other times i do not.. the thoughts are more a jumbled mass of chaos, as if i had leaned forward and with a flick of a finger, opened that box that never should have been placed in front of me.. an imp at play, not knowing of the repercussions of such an act…

trying to “gleam the cube” but the angles take on sharper curvatures making you pause for a time and look back.. or perhaps look forward to certain events that have or will take place. peeking around a corner, remaining in the shadows lest you be caught looking..

there is no harm in that, of course.. but does it help in knowing what to expect? prepare you better for the decision or choice that you’ve made? i think we envision alot, of our future. the past in some form or another, helps mold what’s around the corner. the now is where we are, and for the most part there is no turning back.

i am not afraid to love. i think, i am afraid to be loved because it’s something i’ve never truly experienced. that ever elusive “entity”. that emotion that some keep at arm’s length, some never find at all, and still others embrace every time they turn around.

there is a volatile energy within me.. it manifests itself with another raging fire that burns deep down, and instead of ignoring what i am feeling and experiencing, i am embracing the warmth that it provides. for within those dancing flames, are whispered words that sing to me.. and i listen closely.. the message is mine to keep.. and share when the time is right to do so.

it hints of love and other attributes… within reach if you must know.. so close that by closing my eyes i can see those vibrant colors of that rainbow even while i’m still chasing after it.. and its a most wonderful thing, this..

spring, you know, is around the corner.. for i peeked..