I am a pilgrim and a poet and a wonderer and a wanderer.

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There’s no place like this

September 27, 2019
I know a lot of people will probably not return to Open Diary. I know some people have gone private. I know I haven't made it here in a very long time. But just perusing the first page, I see what is so special about this place. I could never get what I get here…
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Recent Entries

  • Did you fly?
    September 19, 2018
    When you left your high place before you landed hard on a hard place did it feel like you were flying? In those last moments, did you at least have the sensation of flying away? You broke your promise and took more of my soul away with you than anyone should take from anyone but…
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  • And the beat goes on …
    September 7, 2018
    The day before yesterday I found out that my boss of 23 years, the best boss one could hope for, is handing in his resignation. I had to hold back tears. Another loss. He expects to be completely gone by early December, because bosses have to give HR three months' notice. I have no love…
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  • Doing as I tell others
    August 7, 2018
    I always tell others that grief doesn't have a schedule. And that's true. I just want to move on, but at the moment I am nearly always in a state of high anxiety. Anything can set it off; anything to do with him, at least. Our pastor at least got me to shed a few…
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  • You had to know him, but you never could
    July 10, 2018
    A week ago yesterday, my uncle ended his life in a brutal, public way by jumping off of his terrace. I had already gone through almost two months of a tortured, torturing routine of daily visits with a man who was refusing to eat, only drinking water, and refusing to take any advice that offered&...
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  • A thin thread
    June 4, 2018
    He continues to waste away.  He gave me the number of a former psychiatrist of his to call, just to see if she has any suggestions. She will probably tell me to call 911 for starters. (He would refuse to go anywhere.) But I'll need to have something more than that for him, some hope…
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  • Thunder
    May 15, 2018
    I have always loved you even when you don't boom and crash on my behalf as you are doing now. I do miss the lightning that usually comes along for the ride but this evening that's okay because you are rumbling and deep and reaching far within me shaking my soul reviving my heart
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  • Do not go gently
    May 9, 2018
    He will not eat. Says he has no appetite and that the thought of eating makes him sick. Is this some geriatric form of anorexia? He wants the end result, though; he wants to die. And there is no way to get through to him, to change his mind, because that is how he has…
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  • Come Saturday morning
    March 31, 2018
    The laundry is downstairs being laundered. Then I will go downstairs, and it will be dried. Then will come the folding. My life is all over the place. There is the daughter, still leaning on us heavily for childcare. They will be here all day, Monday through Friday, while on spring break. I love ...
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  • From this point of view
    March 22, 2018
    Things seem so different now. Well, it's been lo these many years since I first came across this place. Now I wonder what I have to put forth into the world. I want it to be positive. There's so much negativity hanging in the air we need to breathe these days; I want to stay…
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