Recent Entries

• And the beat goes on …

  September 7, 2018

  The day before yesterday I found out that my boss of 23 years, the best boss one could hope for, is handing in his resignation. I had to hold back tears. Another loss. He expects to be completely gone by early December, because bosses have to give HR three months' notice. I have no love…

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• Doing as I tell others

  August 7, 2018

  I always tell others that grief doesn't have a schedule. And that's true. I just want to move on, but at the moment I am nearly always in a state of high anxiety. Anything can set it off; anything to do with him, at least. Our pastor at least got me to shed a few…

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• You had to know him, but you never could

  July 10, 2018

  A week ago yesterday, my uncle ended his life in a brutal, public way by jumping off of his terrace. I had already gone through almost two months of a tortured, torturing routine of daily visits with a man who was refusing to eat, only drinking water, and refusing to take any advice that offered&...

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• A thin thread

  June 4, 2018

  He continues to waste away.  He gave me the number of a former psychiatrist of his to call, just to see if she has any suggestions. She will probably tell me to call 911 for starters. (He would refuse to go anywhere.) But I'll need to have something more than that for him, some hope…

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• Thunder

  May 15, 2018

  I have always loved you even when you don't boom and crash on my behalf as you are doing now. I do miss the lightning that usually comes along for the ride but this evening that's okay because you are rumbling and deep and reaching far within me shaking my soul reviving my heart

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• Do not go gently

  May 9, 2018

  He will not eat. Says he has no appetite and that the thought of eating makes him sick. Is this some geriatric form of anorexia? He wants the end result, though; he wants to die. And there is no way to get through to him, to change his mind, because that is how he has…

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• Come Saturday morning

  March 31, 2018

  The laundry is downstairs being laundered. Then I will go downstairs, and it will be dried. Then will come the folding. My life is all over the place. There is the daughter, still leaning on us heavily for childcare. They will be here all day, Monday through Friday, while on spring break. I love ...

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• From this point of view

  March 22, 2018

  Things seem so different now. Well, it's been lo these many years since I first came across this place. Now I wonder what I have to put forth into the world. I want it to be positive. There's so much negativity hanging in the air we need to breathe these days; I want to stay…

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• What is going on?

  March 8, 2018

  I wrote an entry. Something weird was going on before and after I entered it. Something wasn't saved when I opened up the write an entry box, but I hadn't saved anything so I don't know what happened. It was a bitching entry, so maybe that's why it came up as something not saved after…

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