Recent Entries

• Intentions

  August 21, 2020

  They are good; they really are. But, of course, they don't get one anywhere. So I keep INTENDING to get writing here again. Old friends, new friends (I think I just accepted a new friend by clicking on a link to their diary?). Anyway: just popping in to say, well, maybe I'll embrace this communit...

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• There’s no place like this

  September 27, 2019

  I know a lot of people will probably not return to Open Diary. I know some people have gone private. I know I haven't made it here in a very long time. But just perusing the first page, I see what is so special about this place. I could never get what I get here…

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• Did you fly?

  September 19, 2018

  When you left your high place before you landed hard on a hard place did it feel like you were flying? In those last moments, did you at least have the sensation of flying away? You broke your promise and took more of my soul away with you than anyone should take from anyone but…

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• And the beat goes on …

  September 7, 2018

  The day before yesterday I found out that my boss of 23 years, the best boss one could hope for, is handing in his resignation. I had to hold back tears. Another loss. He expects to be completely gone by early December, because bosses have to give HR three months' notice. I have no love…

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• Doing as I tell others

  August 7, 2018

  I always tell others that grief doesn't have a schedule. And that's true. I just want to move on, but at the moment I am nearly always in a state of high anxiety. Anything can set it off; anything to do with him, at least. Our pastor at least got me to shed a few…

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• You had to know him, but you never could

  July 10, 2018

  A week ago yesterday, my uncle ended his life in a brutal, public way by jumping off of his terrace. I had already gone through almost two months of a tortured, torturing routine of daily visits with a man who was refusing to eat, only drinking water, and refusing to take any advice that offered&...

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• A thin thread

  June 4, 2018

  He continues to waste away.  He gave me the number of a former psychiatrist of his to call, just to see if she has any suggestions. She will probably tell me to call 911 for starters. (He would refuse to go anywhere.) But I'll need to have something more than that for him, some hope…

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• Thunder

  May 15, 2018

  I have always loved you even when you don't boom and crash on my behalf as you are doing now. I do miss the lightning that usually comes along for the ride but this evening that's okay because you are rumbling and deep and reaching far within me shaking my soul reviving my heart

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• Do not go gently

  May 9, 2018

  He will not eat. Says he has no appetite and that the thought of eating makes him sick. Is this some geriatric form of anorexia? He wants the end result, though; he wants to die. And there is no way to get through to him, to change his mind, because that is how he has…

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