5/16/05

 1> Copy and paste this into your journal:

<font color="Melancholy"> <b>Melancholy</b>

2> Eliminate the asterisks.

3> Replace "yourusername" with your user name.

4> See what color you are!

Guess that means I’m invisible.

Cool.

• I told Brian I was going to text message him filthy messages all day long.
• Today was my second day taking public transportation home.  It’s been quite interesting.  I’ve met a lot of different people.  That’s for sure.  And I love that.  Today for instance when the train pulled up, a *cough* gentleman started yelling, "What the fuck?  Fucking asshole, making us chase the train…" because the train driver didn’t stop the train and open the doors right in front of him.  Well, that’s what I supposed he was upset about.  While I was waiting for the bus a hip, well-dressed homeboy walked up and I looked up from reading and smiled.  He said, really loudly, with a slight feminine lilt to his voice, "ya, the 455 is coming.  It’s in the station right now". Thanks.  I watched as he walked on by, praising what I assumed was the Lord, loudly.  He added a little kick and dip before he faded into the distance.  Truly.  I couldn’t make this shit up if I wanted to.  *nods*  The bus driver was nice, and the lady sitting across from me had "12 stitches in her foot and wasn’t about to walk home from Wonderland."  I was thinking, "yeah, even without 12 stitches in my foot you’d never catch me even thinking of walking home from Wonderland."  Oh and on the train they collected my fare.  Friday, my first forray into our public transportation system (PTS) alone in a VERY long time, they never collected my fare.  I tried to walk back to the T guy but he hopped back onboard before I could get to him.  *shrug*  Brian’s off tomorrow, I have the car because of the training class for pastoral visiting so I don’t get to meet any interesting folks around our PTS.  There’s always Wednesday…and Thursday….and Friday.
• Once again I came online with a specific task in mind only to get distracted by OD.  Rambling on and on about nothing.
• I wasn’t going to talk about this here.  But then I decided I had to because I talk about everything else here.  The reason I even thought about not mentioning it here is because the person I am speaking of is a diarist here.  *nods*  Okay, I get the mail.  Because finally I have a key that works to the front entrance of our house.  So I get the mail and I find a card and inside the card is a LARGE cash gift.  I was stunned.  Then I was deeply touched….and started balling.  Because that’s what I do.  Then I was freaked out.  Then I immediately set about to returning it.  Until I was instructed that was rude…my inner voice sometimes kicks in when needed.  To make a longer trip through my emotions shorter I tell Brian when he comes home and he says, "you don’t do kindness well…"  Huh?  But, but…I…I…*blood pressure rises*  He then says, "receiving.  Not giving.  You do well giving kindness…not accepting."

  Oh. 

  *silence…crickets*

  That’s effed up yo.

  After a sleepless night of fretting, I decided, he’s right.  I don’t.  I don’t know what to do with kindness.  I’m not used to it, and because of that it makes me feel uncomfortable and I don’t know how to react.  To think I got not one card even from my Dad, yet a friend who just physically met me can be so…so…thoughtful and giving to me.  It reminds me, once again, that God blesses me.  Yes, he does.

  YES, he did come.  For that I was grateful, but…well, you know.  I did also forget to mention that before the ceremony he said, "I’ve been looking for a clock for you.  I saw it once and I’ve got people scouring ebay looking for one.  It’s got a door that opens, a dog comes out and barks on the hour."  Uhm…oooookay.  :- a barking clock.  That’s my father… 

• I love my little dogs.  I truly do.  LOVE them.  We’re going to have a great summer…my dogs and me.  *nods*  Got my hammock, getting my pool…trying to talk Ted into going halves with me on new outdoor furniture and/or a firepit and possibly one of those neat-OH gazebo…one that doesn’t fall apart, like last years.  If I am going to be here for another year or two (hoping and praying it’s only that much longer till we can save a down payment and qualify for a home loan) then I might as well spiff up the backyard to enjoy while I’m here.  When we move we can figure out who gets what. 
• Okay…gotta go…that retarded Bachelor is on.  Final show.  Who WILL goofy Charlie pick?