Morning Terrors

Ever since our Thanksgiving return trip home from NC and witnessing that awful accident in Virginia I’ve been having night terrors on and off.  I thought they were done, but evidently not.  I’ve had them off and on now again for the past couple of weeks.  Not helping my general feeling of fatigue.

This morning I bolted out of bed at 6:15 AM from a nightmare.  Or is it a morningmare?  Anyhoo, I was 15 again and my mom was tossing me into the streets.  Only this time I had my dogs and was frantically worried about them.  I was desparate to get back into the house to get the dogs before my mom got home.  In my dream I knew she would come home and just let them loose in the streets.  It was pretty bad this morning.  I woke up gasping, covered in sweat and sobbing.  The whole dream brought up so many icky old feelings from that time.  I carried those feelings of being really terrified, alone and abandoned with nowhere to go into my waking world and now into my day.  I haven’t felt his bad inside since I was 15.  It brought back all my old fears and issues.  🙁  I just have to keep reminding myself:

1. You’re older now and have been taking care of yourself for 22-years now.

2. You’re not alone anymore.

3. No one is going to throw you out ever again.

Just goes to show, even when you think you’ve resolved old issues they have a wicked way of springing back up again when you least expect it and slapping your ass back down.

I hope nothing bad or sad happens today at work or at my pastoral visiting class because I am really emotionally raw from that stupid ass dream and I won’t be able to stop crying if I start.  (Today’s my last day in that course.  We’re getting certificates…ooooo.)

It’s going to be one of those days.